Hi. This is my first ever post on ANY forum, but I felt I needed to write stuff down. I’m now at home after a couple of nights in hospital. We went for a private scan on Saturday, just because 12 weeks felt so long. I would have been 10 weeks yesterday but it still felt like ages. As far as I could tell, my pregnancy seemed to be going fairly well. Some sickness, sore breasts, growing tummy. No pains whatsoever… occasional aches but nothing more than what I thought very mild stretching. Turn up at the scan place, uterus empty, tube full! I wasn’t totally convinced that our baby was still alive as I’d had a funny feeling, but this!!! I thought ectopic were supposed to hurt… that’s what the doctor said on our initial visit to confirm pregnancy… although she really couldn’t have given a monkeys! I may as well turned up with a broken nail! “It’s not ectopic. You’ll know if it’s ectopic because it will hurt so much. There’s no getting away from that… etc. “ anyway, nought I can do about that now! So, straight to the hospital. Internal scan was so painful. She really went to town bless her as she couldnt find anything. “ I really can’t see an ectopic pregnancy… I can’t see any pregnancy. “ I was thinking phantom at this point. Then “ hold on darling this will really hurt…” she wasn’t kidding. “Jesus… that’s massive… ooh sorry lovely! “ it was jammed right behind my ovary so obscured. An hour later I’m in a hospital gown have filled out consent forms etc. And being prepped for theatre. I actually didn’t go to theatre until the morning. I cried most of the night after my husband had left…, not easy to do on a hospital ward. I cried all the way to theatre… after my husband had left. When I came round they showed me the images… asked first of course. I needed to see to take it in. They removed a 3cm ectopic pregnancy along with my right tube. A couple of days later and it would have ruptured. So that’s it. One day I’m pregnant, then I’m not. We found out from measurements that the baby died at about 7 weeks. Coinciding… spookily,… with baby loss awareness week! I only needed to be aware really… not actually experience it! I didn’t think that I’d worry about the little life that I had inside me, that I could be a bit hard and practical and understand that it could never have survived. I do understand that… I saw the image of it squashed in my tube. That will never leave me, but I’m pleased I saw it… it’s actually a better one than the image of the foetus/embryo that the initial scan showed. That was too baby like! So now? Every time I laugh, cry, wee, cough, move etc. I’m reminded that there’s been something taken out. Hopes, dreams, plans, happiness, a little life. I know that it will all heal eventually. Physical and emotional pain both. I feel I need to remember this bubble in some way and I’m not decided on how yet. I may be doing that on my own and on the quiet. But I’m scared of how I’ll feel later on, the day the 1st midwife appointment would have been… returning to work on the day that I should have been having the 12 week scan… the date it would have been due. I’ve tried to get myself off of the mailing lists etc. And remove as much stuff as I can that reminds me of the plans that I’d been cautiously making. I’m lucky to have a huge support network and people have been amazing. I’ve yet to cry with anyone else yet, but I’m sure that will happen. I’m worried about my husband. He seems to have been able to move on, but I don’t know for sure. I’m not there yet. But then, I’ve got all the time to think about it. I really didn’t think that I’d be this upset. It’s not very ‘me’! I also didn’t think that I’d be able to write this down so I guess I’m learning a lot about exactly who I am. Surely that will help in the future… I’m guessing I’ll be stronger and I know that there is so much more to hope for. Thanks for allowing me this space to write. The physical and emotional shock is still raging. But, it’s only been 3 days from scan to now. Thanks again and to anyone who reads. I know I’m not alone. No-one is! I haven’t reread or edited this. It’s just as it came out. Just like the baby, in one minute… out the next!! We couldn’t edit or improve that either! Xxxx
Dear Nic052,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
You will need time to process what has happened and there is no time frame for recovery, be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
My husband also seemed to ‘recover’ quickly from our ectopic pregnancy, but on speaking to him after, he openly admitted that as the pregnancy was so early, he hadn’t felt that connection yet and he was more concerned about my health. I would advise to keep talking to him about your feelings so he understands how you feel and how best to support you.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
Dear Nic
I read your post… I’m so sorry for your loss … it’s very early days … just take it very easy physically and mentally… if you feel like crying just let it out … don’t hold back your emotions …
It’s been 5 weeks since my surgery, I couldn’t cry in front of anyone only on the phone to my husband (he’s not in the uk) but it helped I cried on my own and to him and I think it helped as now I just feel numb but ok…
you will feel different emotions but keep talking to your partner and tell him how you feel. It will take time to heal and don’t rush back to work … take it easy x
Dear Sonia, thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post, even though the experience a so raw for you still. I really do appreciate it. I’m sorry to hear of your loss as well and that you had such a hard time with your husband not close by. That must have been really painful. I feel lucky that I’ve found support from others. I’ll keep talking to my husband even if he thinks I’m being silly! I don’t really mind!! It helps. I know that we’ve both got hope for the future. Am I right in saying that we just need to accept the grief and emotion when it comes… who knows when it will choose to show up! I keep celebrating little daily achievements to make sure I’m moving forward. Today’s… getting socks on by myself and… taking dressings off to see stitches. It was supposed to be keyhole… I don’t know who’s key they used… the Tower of London??? I’m not proud… these are life’s certificates right! Thanks again and good luck! I’ll be thinking of you xx
Dear Karen, thanks so much for your time in reading and replying to my post. You do such fabulous work at the trust. I can’t start to describe just how much comfort I’ve got from reading the forums in the last 3 traumatic days. It’s given me hope and an understanding that I didn’t think
I’d have. Thanks xxxx
Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss. For the loss of the baby, your Fallopian tube, your hopes and dreams. I’m 6 months post surgery and i still find it all so heartbreaking. It’s the way you go from one minute being pregnant, making all these plans, wondering if it will be a boy or a girl and then it’s all gone. I found that everyone was just so relieved that I was ok and I was the only one grieving for the baby that I had lost. I took the time to cry whenever the tears came (even now) and I allowed my body the time to heal. I took time off of work and only went back when I really felt ready. After 6 weeks I also started running, I found I needed to trust my body again. I wanted to feel strong, I wanted to achieve something and more importantly I needed to use the time when I was running to clear my head and try and make sense of it all. I guess I’ve found that to be my therapy. It’s a really shit situation and I don’t think I’ll every get over it but I guess it has made me realise I’m much stronger than i thought I was.
Take care x
Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is tough.
It has been almost 2 weeks from my surgery and I still feel numb and empty. I hardly cried and I would so need to do that.
However, we did light candles - 5 of them - 4 for my embryos that never became pregnant and one for the baby. I got the surgery at 7 weeks. My baby was alive, had beating heart and was developing well but it was in cervix.
We also prayed and also in my meditation I said good buy to the baby.
I am also thinking to buy a heart pendant to remind me of the baby and having a strong desire to do something physical (i.e. running) while fundraising which will help to commemorate.
I still don’t cry but hoping that having time and doing all these things the mourning and healing will come.
With love,
Barb xxx
Keyhole procedure!
I’ve had a GP saying your surgery was minor, you should recover in 2-3weeks. Little she knew!
The consultant who did my surgery said it will take time physically to get better!
When I went on Google some sites have said it takes 3 weeks to recover.
You may feel better in 3 weeks but not have recovered fully.
I really feel some GPs need to be aware that it’s takes time to heal physically… there should be no pressure and no rush …
I’m still feeling weak… I’ve never taken time off from work, not even a odd sick day …I want to go back to work but I can’t at the moment…please listen to your body and take it easy!
Nic- have to celebrate! Health is so important … when my cathater came off I was so relieved … Keep talking to your husband! 
it’s the best way…
I think partners may appear to be strong but they might be keeping strong for us …
Xxx
Thanks again Sonia! I’m resting and that is very hard for me… like you, never have time off work. However, it didn’t kill me, so must make me stronger?! I’m sure I’ll believe that soon. Wishing you all the best xxxxx