So, am I a mum?

I lost my baby at 5 weeks with an ectopic. I remember signing those forms before surgery and gave consent as the mother of that baby. Does this make me a mum? I have nothing to show for it but my scars. I’m so torn as to whether I’m a mum or not.

Hi maylee,

I’m sorry to hear about your experience, ectopic pregnancy, and loss. You have had a massive physical and emotional upheaval, and recovery from ectopic pregnancy will take time. Everyone’s path is unique to them, and there is no set timeframe for emotional recovery. There are no “musts” or “shoulds” or deadlines. Grieve as you wish and cry, vent, and release your emotions as you need.

Your ectopic pregnancy was so recent, and it is still early days in your recovery. For me, I found that writing in a journal did help to process the many elements. It helped me to get the words out of my head, and eventually share them with my partner and close friends.

While there is no clear, researched evidence on how long a woman should wait to try to conceive after having treatment for ectopic pregnancy, we and other medical professionals advise you to wait for at least three months or two full menstrual cycles (periods) before trying to conceive for both physical and emotional reasons.

Please allow yourself all the time and space you need to heal and know that you have a supportive environment here for as long as you need. We are here for you any time. These boards are a safe environment to let off steam among people who have been there and understand. Please continue to do so as often as you wish.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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