A year ago today I lost you, and ever since I have felt like I let you down, like it was my fault that you had to be taken from me so cruelly. There’s not a day that goes by where me and your Daddy don’t think of you,and I blame my self every day. I am so sorry we lost you. Your Daddy is such a wonderful man, I wish you had got to meet him, he loves me so very, very much and every day he tells me how amazing and beautiful I am, and every day I try to believe him…
Well I have decided that today is the day when I finally will start to listen, losing you broke our hearts, and we will never forget you, but I’m going to try really hard, to look forward more positively…for you. I am trying sweetheart, to make things a little bit better, to make some of the hurt and pain go away. I am sure you have been looking down on us and you can see what we have been doing, you can see how things went from bad to worse after we lost you. But we have everything crossed at the minute that things might just take a turn for the better…
You are in out hearts, and our thoughts and our prayers every minute,and you always will be. WE love you so very ,very much, and just wish that you were with us now. But please know that we are trying so very hard to make you smile…we are trying so so so hard.
We love you sweetheart and I so wish a year ago today had been different,
I just wanted to let you know, that things have taken a surprising turn for the better! Last time we spoke, I said I was going to try to look ahead more positively…and I just know that you have been smiling down us and supporting us.Thank you. Yesterday, I discovered that the latest IVF cycle has worked! I’m pregnant!!! We can’t quite believe it, your Daddy and I are sooo happy. Its so nice to have some good news for a change. Lets hope it continues…
I am soooo scared that something will go wrong, I remember this happy feeling when I was pregnant with you, I just hope and pray that this time this little baby is ok…I couldn’t face another heartbreak.
So keep smiling down on us and your little brother or sister, and remember we love you soo very much,
I thought I’d let you know that we have had two scans since I told you about our pregnancy, and your brother/sister is doing just fine. The baby is in the right place and is growing healthily…Daddy and I are so very relieved. I so wish the same could have been said for you, but I just know that you are looking out for this baby…and we will do everything we can to make this a successful pregnancy.
No matter what happens, we will never ever, ever forget you, you will always be a part of our lives. Even now when I look at my tummy, I still see the scars from when we lost you and every day it still fills me with sadness.
I’m sorry its been a while since I last wrote anything on here. I still think about you every day, you are never far from mine or Daddy’s thoughts.
Thought I’d let you know that you have a baby sister…we found out a few weeks ago.I always thought that you were a girl too, I just wish we could have found out. She is doing really well, I’m now 21 weeks pregnant, and we’re off for another scan today to check that she’s growing ok. I’m a little nervous, I’m excited about seeing her, but scans scare me so much. Shes been really busy in my tummy, she really kicks me hard!!! I think like you she is a very strong and determined baby…I just know its exactly how you would have been.
I’ll let you know how things go, but please remember that you are still so very very precious to us and always will be. We love you so much,
Thought I’d let you know how things are going, your sister is 27 weeks now and is very big!! Infact the doctors say shes too big for her weeks…bit like your brother, he was a big baby too, so this doesn’t surprise me! I bet you’d have been the same…
We’ve pretty much bought everything and we are ready for her arrival. It still seems so far away, but you never know, she might arrive early like Jacob did, he came at 34 weeks. I just wish that you were here to see what we’ve done, i wish you were here to share in all of these moments. I know that you are looking down on us, and i know that you have kept her safe so far, thank you sweetheart.
I have the most wonderful news…your baby sister was born on 30th October, at 3:20am, weighing 4lb 14 oz…like Jacob she was born 6 weeks early at 34 weeks. Her name is Lottie Ava Lillian and she is perfect. We had to stay in hospital for about 10 days because she was premature and tiny…not the big baby we were expecting to see! She spent some time in transitional care in hot cot to maintain her temperature and she was tube fed, but now we are home and she’s feeding normally with gusto!!!
Now she’s here, I look at her and wonder how like her you would have been, I’ve always thought you were a girl too…she looks like Daddy, she has dark hair and the most beautiful skin, she’s like a little doll. I will tell her all about you when she’s big enough, I’ll tell her how you have kept her safe, and how you look after her. She will always know about her big precious angel sister,
thank you sweetheart for making sure she came into our lives safely,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately…your sister is over 10 months old now, and she is an absolute joy…but I find myself thinking about how like her you would have been. I always thought you were a girl, and I look at her and wonder if you’d have been similar. Would you have had big blue eyes and blond hair like her…would you have had that cheeky toothy grin that she has…would you have been the same petite little size that she is…how like her would you have been??? I look at Lottie and i think about you. I love her so much, but I feel so cheated that I don’t have you here aswell, you could be playing together, laughing and giggling together. You’d have been a wonderful big sister to her, I so wish you were here to grow up with her.
I’m so sorry my angel that you’re not with us…but never forget that Daddy and I think about you all of the time, and we love you very very much,
I tried to come on here on the 9th November because you would have been 2 years old. It’s hard to believe how quickly the time has gone…but there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about you. I wish there was a place I could go, or something I could do to be close to you…the only thing I find myself doing, and this may sound really silly, is stroking the scar where you came out…it just seems like the only place that i have that I know you were, that I can touch. I bet if I told anyone else that they would think I was a bit mad! But I give it a little stroke and have a little chat with you…I hope you can hear me.
Meanwhile your little sister is full of beans, she’s just started standing, so I think walking is only around the corner! I hope its before Christmas because thats when I go back to work. Things will really change around here then…I shall miss her soooo much!
For now baby, I’ll say good bye, Daddy and I miss you very much indeed…we still think about how different it would have been having the two of you charging round annoying your big brother…I bet you would have been very mischievious together!
We love you soooo much, I hope next time I stroke your little scar you feel the love we have for you and always will,
It’s been such a long time since I came on here and left you a message. I know you hear me speak to you all of the time, but it’s not the same as leaving words that you can read.
Tomorrow is Mothers Day…Jacob is 20 years old, Lottie is 4 and its is nearly 6 years since we lost you. I still think of that day, I still look at that little scan photo I have of you, and wonder what would have been.
You were so tiny, so perfect, and just settled in the wrong place. We will never know why and I will never forgive my body for allowing that to happen.
Tomorrow I will thank my lucky stars for Jacob and Lottie, but I will remember you, my little girl who nearly was…who was nearly here. So close, and so unfairly taken from us.