After discharge (I had 7 weeks off during expectant management as every other day I was at hospital and at different points had planned surgeries) I had 1 month off.
I did return before before discharge and had a ruptured ovarian cyst on my second day back to work. After that and just the stress of the prior 2 months of constantly feeling in danger, the fact I’d had a unplanned pregnancy and then it’d all gone so so wrong but in this weird long protracted way, I needed that month off. Before that time I was tearful and erratic. You wouldn’t have known it from the outside bc I can put on a good face but the hormones had me spinning and the shock of what had happened only hit me after the physical danger was removed.
After coming back before discharge and only managing the week bc of the cyst, I took a very different path on my 2nd return - a slow phased return back. And it’s worked well.
Do not feel guilty for needing time for your body and mind to heal. I acknowledged that miscarriage may be something that might happen in pregnancy. Ectopic was not even on the page! The shock of the danger and not knowing what I was doing every 48hrs, I had bags packed for surgery (I live alone) and was terrified for 7 weeks of rupturing alone and mine continued to grow for 4 weeks.
Anyway: I didn’t even have surgery and I took time. I counsel people as part of my job. I could not be mentally there for them when I was in shock myself.
I too have a colleague who has cancer and was ‘back at the desk on Tuesday’ throughout chemo and ops. I felt initially in my hormonal state weak and embarrassed that I couldn’t pull up my big girl pants.
Now I don’t at all. I needed that mental healing time. I was in absolute shock (and I didn’t have surgery!). Some people depending on their jobs, find strength in the distraction of resuming their role etc. Others, due to different personalities or roles need more time. We are on the 3rd floor and no lift, for ages I was bleeding (7 weeks) and told to expect a major one - commuting etc didn’t feel right for me. Had I been next door, maybe I could etc.
If you can take anything from my experience is - Remove any comparisons to other colleagues. You don’t know what’s going on for them. I’ve lurked on this board and a miscarriage board for a while and a surprising number of people say I wish I’d taken more time to heal mentally and physically, bc it pops back later on.
Sometimes I needed to hear it’s okay to be off and process the WTF that just happened and to not return to a physical job sore and aching. I worried about judgement too - hey I wasn’t ‘sick’ but my mind needed time. My boss understood but you know, a couple of colleagues I don’t think do understand the phased return - that’s okay. this has been a big life lesson for me - life is short and you don’t need to justify your journey.
Unless you’ve been through this experience you don’t know how horrific it is. Some people find work helps put them back together. I needed to be put back together, to go back to work.
I took a month following discharged, plus phased return for one month for context.
I was also off I think 7 weeks before but during that I had every other day appointments in another city and was bleeding /passing tissue throughout. I had a silly complication of the cyst. However it wasn’t the pain so much that made me need the month off post discharge, it was my head was in shock.