Recovery after emergency surgery, rupture and almost dying

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Hi,

I was directed to this website by my nurse and have found it so helpful to scroll through during my sleepless nights.

Last week I had emergency surgery after being admitted via ambulance due to a rupture at 7-8 weeks pregnant. I didn’t know it was ectopic and had never heard of this before. I had my left fallopian tube removed and was told after there was a risk I would have needed a full hysterectomy. I lost 5 litres of blood internally and almost died. Staff said they had never seen someone survive blood loss like that before and I am just so grateful to be here but absolutely terrified.

I was home alone when major symptoms started and I had to call the ambulance. I thought I was going to die waiting and passed out before they arrived, I came to while being blue-lighted to the hospital and it was the most terrifying experience of my life. Being rushed through and straight into theatre. I was in intensive care for a few days afterwards and had to have other blood transfusion after leaving ICU and being moved to the gynae ward.

I hadn’t even heard of an ectopic pregnancy before this day. I was 7-8 weeks pregnant with a very badly wanted baby and I’m so heartbroken about that but also struggling to come to terms with the trauma of the near death experience, this happening while alone, my partner thinking he had lost me as well as our baby etc. as well as the physical recovery. I’m utterly exhausted and still very sore. I was told the internal bleeding will have irritated my organs as they were saturated with blood and I have absolutely zero energy, which may be due to the fact that almost all the blood in my body is new and I’m adjusting to it.

It was such a terrifying experience I’m just feeling so overwhelmed and afraid of the world. I was in hospital for 8 days and I cried when I had to leave as it was a little safety bubble for me. I felt so safe there and I just feel like an anxious mess at home, even though I have the most amazing, supportive partner and my mum is also staying with us for a while to support us both and she’s been a huge support.

I suppose I’m just wanted to vent and see if anyone can relate. I also wondered if anyone had suggestions of where to go for counselling and what I should seek? I’m in Scotland. I don’t mind paying for private but would prefer something nhs to save money if possible. I’ve had talk therapy/counselling before, for other reasons. Most important for me is that they have understanding of what I’ve gone through and can help me manage it. I don’t know what other types of therapy are available/would be best or who I need to contact. I am already having flashbacks and panic attacks and bursting into tears and think I will end up with post traumatic stress.

I just feel so overwhelmed and alone at the minute as no one really understands - even though I’m not and have so much love and support, and my partner has his own trauma to work through as he has also had an incredibly difficult time. Is there anything available for partners as I worry about him too?

Sorry for the novel, thanks for reading if you have made it this far. I feel a little better already for writing it down. Xx

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Dear Greybottle,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss. From your own words I can only imagine what a frightening experience this must have been and I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

I have replied on another post you have been responding on but just in case you don’t see it, I wanted to pop in here to reassure you that everything you are experiencing right now is normal following ectopic pregnancy.

You have experienced a very traumatic event and it can take up to 3months to even begin to process trauma such as this.

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

These boards are also a safe space to share, gain support and vent. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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Further information is available on our website.

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Hey Greybottle,

I’m extremely sorry to hear what you’ve been through. It sounds incredibly hard - I hope you’re being kind to yourself and glad to hear you have supports. I’m in Canada so I can’t advise you on good places to seek counselling, but I wanted to say it’s been very helpful to me and to my partner as well. If you’re both able and willing to, I think it can definitely be useful.

I also totally related to your feeling of being overwhelmed by the world, and I say that post surgery but without having gone through anything as intense as you lived through. I’m now 6 weeks post surgery and it’s been a rough week - I think having my follow up appointment scheduled and needing to go back to the hospital where I had my surgery was harder than I anticipated… Nonetheless, things are generally better than they were and I am slowly re-adapting to ‘normal life’. I’m sure you will, too, in time. But give yourself plenty of space and time - it’s a huge thing to get over and you deserve all the care and kindness you can find <3

Cam xo

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Hi Karen and Cam,

Thank you both so much for your replies and so sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy experiences also, thanks for sharing. Your replies were both so helpful.

I’m feeling better physically, but over the last few days my sleep has been getting worse and worse and I just can’t stop going over the experience in my head. I’m just isolating myself a little and trying to hibernate, for lack of a better word! It’s a lot to comprehend. I’ve also just had a friend and a sibling announce pregnancies which I’ve managed to put a brave face on for, as it’s not their fault and they deserve to celebrate their joy but still feels like a punch in the gut just a couple weeks after this all happening.

I’m definitely going to look into some counselling and my partner would be willing to attend also, although he is (on the surface) dealing with things better than me, as he is just glad I’m alive. However he’s finding it hard to understand my ‘fear of the world’. I’m finding it really frustrating when people keep saying ‘things will work out when they are meant to’ or ‘just be positive’ it’s just so impossibly difficult to achieve and kind of diminishes how I feel at times.

Thanks again xx