Recovering after EP loss

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1

Hello
I recently had emergency surgery last Saturday from my left fallopian tube rupturing. This was my first pregnancy and I feel so alone and upset and grieving my baby.

I have PCOS and have been trying to conceive for over 18 months. Every month is a whirlwind of emotions hoping I ovulate and can try to get pregnant. I took letrozole to help me ovulate in May and it worked. In the beginning of June I noticed some faint bleeding so I assumed it was my period. I tested for pregnancy and say a very faint double line. I didn’t believe it and thought it was a false positive. I started to bleed a bit so I assumed I was still on my period. Then on June 12 I felt a very sharp cramping in my (sorry TMI) rectum area. I got them before randomly but never this severe. It was so bad I had to leave work cause I couldn’t sit or function.
At the urging of my husband (he was out of town) I went to the ER. That’s when they told me I was pregnant but they said the cramping is normal and it I got more cramping or blood clots to come back to the ER.

For the next few days I was elated with happiness finding out I was pregnant. I bought a customized onesie with the month I was expected to be due, hoping to surprise my family with it. I bought pregnancy books online. I was eating healthier and just happy.

Then the following week I got severe pain on my left pelvic area and the same rectum cramping. I felt so weak and drained from the pain. I thought maybe this is normal? I didn’t know and I did some google searches and saw it could be possibly ectopic and my heart sank I didn’t want to believe it. Not my baby.

I called my OB the next morning and they said I should go to the ER and have them do an ultrasound. I went this last Friday night and I got the news and I was devastated. Then the pain started to increase drastically. I felt like the whole world was spinning. They admitted me and told me I would need emergency surgery in the morning to remove my left fallopian tube. I was in shock and pleaded with them to not take it and I was praying for a miracle but they said it was already ruptured and they had to take it out.

I’m thankful I have the support of my husband and family but I still feel so alone and so numb.

The onesie and books came in the mail today and I just feel so shattered and broken. I feel less of a woman and missing parts. I’m mourning my baby, my first pregnancy, my tube. Today was the first day since Friday where I haven’t sobbed uncontrollably.
I am so scared of trying again now and getting another ectopic.

This forum has helped me a bit so thank you.

2

Sending you so much love. It’s so hard and unfair and everything your feeling is perfectly natural in the circumstances, this has also only just happened so be kind to yourself. Xx

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Hi Rrc5,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You’ve already been through so much. You have suffered physical and emotional trauma, and these are still early days. It’s important to be kind to yourself and focus on your healing. I’m glad you have found these boards, as each one of us, unfortunately, is connected by this experience.

Many women experience a mix of feelings, and this can include grief, hurt at loss and anger. Trying not to blame yourself is important, as it is no fault of yours, and nothing, sadly, could have been done to stop the ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage from happening. Often, the precise reason for an ectopic pregnancy may never be known. Sadly, there is nothing that can be done to guarantee that it will never happen again, and it isn’t because of something you did or didn’t do. Sometimes, these feelings are hard to communicate with others, so we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process.

No matter what, we are here for you whenever you need. Please know you are not alone - these boards are filled with women who understand, and take all the time you need to look after yourself and recover. We are here for you whenever you want to talk.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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