This is the third time this year I’ve been pregnant after 2 ectopics.
I got pregnant for the first time ever this May. I was so excited after getting the positive test, but that excitement only lasted for a week. My first signs were spotting and abdominal pain - when I first noticed the pain, it felt so WRONG. I remember when it first happened, I was out with my friend on her birthday, and it felt like something just dropped inside of me. I saw an OB the next day who checked my HCG but denied me an ultrasound even though I had asked. That weekend I was in the emergency department and had a left salpingectomy + methotrexate. Leading up to it was rough, but my surgeon took such good care of me and has been taking good care of me sense.
September I got pregnant again. I felt implantation in my left side corresponding with implantation bleeding. I had some hiccups with this experience and even though I didn’t have surgery and it wasn’t as traumatic the second time was almost worse than the first time. First, my second lab was erroneously drawn as an HCG qualitative (“yes” you’re pregnant or “no” you’re not pregnant, like home urine tests) vs. quantitative due to a hospital wide issue. I was advised by the on-call doctor to go to the ED where they redrew my numbers and suggested I may be having a miscarriage. I went home, relieved, but then upon rechecking my HCG it had gone up. The advice nurse said “maybe a twin died.” I eventually saw my surgeon and we determined together that this was likely a repeat ectopic and I should go to the ED for labs, an ultrasound, and methotrexate since my HCGs were pretty low. After feeling good about that conversation, the ED doctor seemed hesitant to give me methotrexate based off of my erratic HCGs. Nothing visible on ultrasound. Anyways, after hours I finally got my first dose of methotrexate. I went back to the clinic for my second dose later and the pregnancy resolved.
Normal HSG in October.
Yesterday I noticed implantation bleeding, which I noticed my last two pregnancies like clockwork 10 days after ovulation. I asked my doctor to put in HCG tests and spoke to the advice nurse who suggested doing a urine test today. I was so anxious I woke up at 2 in the morning and got a faint positive. I repeated the test and got a slightly darker positive. My hcg is 136.
I have been having dull and/or burning pains on my left side, but it is not severe.
I feel like this could be 50-50 ectopic vs. uterine. I am trying to just stay in the moment and do my labs when it is time, do my ultrasound if I even make it that far, but of course it is hard not to agonize over the fear of a third ectopic, simultaneously it is hard not to daydream of having a successful pregnancy and baby.
I stayed home from work today and will probably stay home tomorrow just for “mental health days”. Today I coordinated stuff with the doctor’s office, got labs drawn, and did a little bit of shopping. I also watched TV, did a mindfulness exercise, and went on a dog walk with my husband.
I wish this wasn’t so hard.