Petrified of the future

17th May 2023 i found out I was pregnant. The day after I had a miscarriage. It turns out I was pregnant with twins but miscarried one and I had ectopic surgery for the other three weeks later (7th June) I was 12 weeks +4 days pregnant. This was not a planned pregnancy& was my first ever pregnancy. During surgery my bladder was cut 4cm and subsequently I had a catheter in for 3 weeks. However, whilst testing my bladder I had no discomfort or pain and they said my bladder was still asleep but I still had it taken out. Now a week on and my bladder is still leaking & I don’t know/feel when it’s leaking

Has anyone been in this situation? Will the catheter have to be put back in?

Also I had my right tube removed and I’m so scared. I believe my partner will ask me to marry him this year and I know he wants children I really don’t want him to leave me but I just cannot go through this again. All I can think about right now is getting sterilised is that normal? I’m only 25 and I’m so embarrassed this has happened to me especially when I don’t have a “proper job” yet and I’m still in University.

I’m so lonely and I just don’t know what to do

Dear castle,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss and complications following surgery. You have been through a huge ordeal and it will take time to come to terms with both physically and emotionally. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

I am so sorry to hear that you have had complications from your surgery and if you are still experiencing the effects of this by leaking, I would strongly advise you to speak to your medical team or GP if you are in the UK, to discuss how they are going to manage this with you.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no rush and after everything you have been through it is no wonder you are not wanting to think about getting pregnant again. He kind to yourself at the moment, allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

Generally, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

It is important to have an early scan for any subsequent pregnancies. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

Many women and people experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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