Near Death Eptopic

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Hello to all users on this forum,

2 weeks ago I nearly died due to severe internal bleeding following a ruptured eptopic pregnancy. Doctors and surgeons have said it was touch and go and how I’m lucky to be alive. I had to have one Fallopian tube and ovary removed, 4 litres of blood via transfusions and now have a large scar running from my belly button down and over my past c section scar.

I’m feeling such mixed emotions and having to deal with so many factors of everything including nearly dying, leaving my family and little boy, loosing a baby, loosing some fertility, having the hospital missing my eptopic, which could have been handled better so this may never had happened?

I understand I need counseling, but have a few weeks to wait to see someone as at the moment I can barely walk. I’m in constant pain, can’t sleep and I can’t look after our little boy, take him to school, which upsets me so much at the moment.

I can’t bare to look at pregnant women, I feel incredibly jealous, angry even that I’ve been dealt this awful circumstance. I’ve always had problems conceiving so this obviously makes me feel like I’ll never be pregnant again. On the other hand, do I even want to? I can’t ever risk going through this again or having surgery such as another c section.

I have horrendous flash backs, of myself in total agony, passing out in my bed. Surrounded by ambulance, fire men and blacking out. Hearing the air ambulance circle outside. Hearing sirens.

I’m trying to keep it together, but the moment I feel reminded I just want to burst out into tears and I’d feel I’d never stop crying if I started.

I’m not sure if anyone else has been through anything similar, but I’m hoping anyone can give me any glimpse of how this can get better.

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Dear RDRF87,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have been through such an ordeal, my heart truly goes out to you.

You are so right to recognise how difficult ectopic pregnancy is. When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need and although there is a wait I am comforted to hear you are on a waiting list for counselling.

Whilst you are waiting, if you begin to struggle, the Trust offers avenues you may wish to explore.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.