My story with ectopic pregnancy

Andy23 · 13 May 2020 14:56

We found out yesterday that my wife has had an ectopic pregnancy here is my story.

About 3 weeks ago we found out that we were expecting, this is our first pregnancy, so we were absolutely thrilled. I didn’t to tell anyone including family, due to risks of miscarriage early on.

Fast forward to last Thursday, and my wife wakes up bleeding, we are both in shock and don’t know what is going on. We both start googling trying to find out what could be happening, and call our GP and midwife. Both suspect a miscarriage, he midwife initially says to monitor the next few days, however upon hearing my wife tearing up she suggests coming into the hospital for a scan.

We go to the hospital, my wife gets scanned and they do not see anything in the womb. They also do a pregnancy test and that turns out positive. The doctor suspects a miscarriage and tells my wife to do a blood test. The results come back showing my wife’s hormone levels are high suggesting pregnancy, the doctor tells us to come back on Monday to do another blood test.

We returned home from the hospital grieving that we have had a miscarriage. After the highs of 2 weeks ago when we found out about the pregnancy, to suddenly find out we lost of the baby overwhelmed us both. We spent the weekend researching about miscarriages, mourning and discussing our feelings. Unlike me, my wife told her best friend and she spent many hours talking to her to grieve. I don’t have that kind of a relationship with any of my friends, where I can be super vulnerable and tell them distressing events.

However I do meditate and that has really helped me to accept the situation and soothe my sadness.

Come Monday we go to the hospital again, my wife does another blood test. The results come back and she still has high hormone levels suggesting pregnancy. We are confused, and the doctor says to come back the next day for another scan.

We go in on Tuesday for another scan, again they find nothing in the womb, the nurse is not sure what is happening, so she asks her colleague for a second opinion. They do another scan and they diagnose a ectopic pregnancy. I had no idea what that was, so when my wife explained to me the embryo is still alive but not in the womb, I was dumbfounded. I spent the last few days coming to terms with believing we lost the baby, and now you are telling me its still alive but there is no hope in keeping it?!?

Tuesday, was yesterday, after spending a lot of time researching ectopic pregnancies, I feel somewhat fortunate we are not at the surgery stage. We are currently on expectant management and hope everything gets resolved naturally.

It has been a tough week emotionally, and the uncertainty on how this is going to pan out keeps me anxious. Now my main concern is that my wife stays healthy. Its heartbreaking to think we still have a child growing but won’t see the light of day.

I meditate daily to help me get through this time, and now that we know it is ectopic I will tell my family.

I plan to follow up this post at a later date with further details on our story.

Wishing everyone reading this love and hope.

Andy

EPT_Host_22 · 15 May 2020 07:42

Hi Andy,

I am so sorry to hear that you and your wife are suffering an ectopic pregnancy and loss. It can be a very confusing time, causing both physical and emotional trauma. I’m glad you have found these Boards and that you are finding help with meditation. These Boards are filled with people united by this unfortunate experience. They are a safe space for any questions or thoughts you want to share. Your wife is fortunate to have your support, and if there is anything we can do, please don’t hesitate to ask.

As you are following expectant management, please do continue to monitor your wife’s symptoms. As her hcg levels are still not at nonpregnant level, under 5mIU/mL, there is unfortunately still a chance of rupture. The symptoms of a deteriorating ectopic pregnancy, which include worsening or progressively increasing pain; vaginal bleeding; shortness of breath; feeling faint; and pain in the tip of the shoulder among others, may become noticeable. If you suffer any of these symptoms you will need to be reassessed. Your hospital would give you a number to contact for health advice if you feel that anything is changing, or you will have been told to report to the Accident and Emergency Department (A&E). If you have not been told what to do and need to speak to someone ring the hospital department which is treating you or the NHS 111 Service by dialing 111.

We know what an anxious time this can be, and we are here for you.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

Andy23 · 16 June 2020 14:14

Hi Michele thanks for your reply and support.

Here is an update - a month has gone and we are fortunate that the expectant management went well and my wife was discharged last week. I am relieved that there weren’t any further complications and everything resolved naturally.

It has been a rollercoaster few weeks, I think we got the best possible outcome given the circumstances. I am now in a good place, I have accepted the situation and bear no grudges against anyone or anything. This is nature, it will happen to someone, we simply got the short straw…

My focus the whole time had been on my wife, to ensure she had the emotional support from me, as I can only imagine it being a 100x more difficult given she also had the physical burden. I know that she is physically and emotionally strong, yet this was the toughest test both of us faced. During the past month, I would keep her optimistic, telling her ‘your body will be healed in 2 weeks time.’, ‘You are strong, I know you will be better soon’. I am a strong believer in how the power of the mind can influence your body, so I would try to subtly and not so subtly remind her she has it within her to heal.

I was also aware that I need to make sure that I was OK. I came to acceptance quite quickly after my initial post. Meditation helped a lot to come to acceptance and to move on.

The other thing that helped was my wife and I were very open about our feelings and we talked through our worries and emotions. This episode has brought us closer,

I am very grateful for the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust, the people who have shared their stories, NHS who looked after my wife and our friends and families.

Thanks

andy

EPT_Host_22 · 19 June 2020 11:01

Andy,

Thank you for taking the time to update us on how you and your wife are doing. It is so helpful to others who are going through this journey to hear where people are after their experiences. Often we hear of the initial experience, but not the follow-up. I’m glad that you have found some support through meditation and through keeping communication open with your wife. This is a shared experience and can be a shared recovery.

We are sending you best wishes for continued recovery and will remain here for you whenever you need.

Warm wishes,