This was our first pregnancy and still coping with the loss - EP on 14th Dec. Still out of work on sick leave. Can’t face going back just yet
I’ve attached an e-mail that I sent to my Best Friend who lives abroad - didn’t have the strength to talk on the phone at the time. Writing it all down helped…
…Later that night I started to get major cramps on my left side. These kept going and at 1am I got DP to drive us to an out-of-hours doctor. She took one look at me, did a urine test and confirmed that I was pregnant!! We were over the moon. We had been trying but had given it a rest for Xmas. Had done a test before my last period and I was negative. I was very suspicious as I was late and am never late. Was dissapointed too, and starting to panic about my fertility - thinking that feck - maybe we can’t have kids. I always thought that seeing I was trying
to prevent getting pregnant for the last decade, that once I want to get pregnant all I’d have to do is click my fingers and let nature take over.
The cramps kept going for another few days and I was getting worried. Went to my GP and he said to hold on, and if there’s no blood everything should be ok. I had taken some time off anyhow so just rested and was looking us info on-line and we were getting really really excited. Wondering how we could keep it a secret when me not drinking would be so obvious… Planning to tell my parent Xmas day etc etc.
Cramps cleared up and we had a wonderful weekend. Bought a Xmas tree, went to Xmas markets with M & N, Sunday brunch with my parents.
Then last Tues I got some very light spotting. We were concerned and went to hospital that night. Lots of waiting about, did tests, internal scan and tested my hormones etc. Nothing of any interest came up - they weren’t expecting to see the pregnancy as I was only 4 weeks anyhow. I wasn’t sore so we went home and were to go back on Fri morning to do some more bloods to track my hormones. There was a scan also booked for this Friday.
Was nervous at this stage so we told mom on thurs night - she was over the moon. She was telling me that she had blood with R and even a negative preg test so my mind was at ease. Woke up Friday and heading into the hospital on my way to work. Makeup and the lot. Happy out with myself. DP has 1/2 days on Fridays so he was to get the phone call on my results so I was totally at ease.
Had a big chat with the midwife who was taking my bloods. The early pregnancy unit was closed due to staff shortages, but she asked me to hang on as there was this ‘ace’ scanner on that day and though it would be best to have another look. Fair enough - bit nervous, but hung on. Rang DP. Had a coffee.
During the scan, the 2 midwives were present. Still no sack. But they were very concerned by something suspicious on my left tube. Was told to start fasting and was brought to a private room and told to ring DP. Panic stations. DP and mom were there within an hour. Bloods came back and the hormones were flat. Registars, Consultants etc etc. Admitted straight away, with just my handbag and surgery booked for 6pm. Suspected Eptopic Pregnancy. Absolutely devastated. Still am.
The surgery didn’t take place untill Sat morning thankfully. Keyhole. Terrifying - had to walk to the theatre and hop onto the bed myself! Woke up and still on the bed in the theatre - a place I hope to never see again. They thankfully brought DP to the recovery room to help me calm down.
They took out my left tube and the pregnancy which they reckon was 6-8 weeks. I still can’t believe that I’ve lost my first baby and my left tube. I can’t believe it’s happened so close to christmas.
Came home on Monday. Some days are very bad, other days are just ok. Sometimes i think I’m fine and then I just start crying again. DP is the same, he’s been fantastic. Mom is great too, and not too overbearing which is surprising. R is here at the moment and she’s hopeless!! Sleeping all day, making a bigger mess. But I’d be lost without her. She’s good company. DP’s still working, just can’t get it off. I’m so sad for him he can’t get this time to chill.