I just want to share my experience as I’ve been left feeling lonely and confused, despite having the support of my partner and parents, and I kind of just want some reassurance that my feelings are valid.
I am 21 years old and I have been in a relationship with my partner for 8 years. We are very happy, and the only thing preventing us from actively trying for a baby is the fact that we don’t yet have our own house (which we are saving for). I know we are young but we want nothing more in life than to have our own family.
At around 3AM on the 19th (before I knew that I was pregnant), I woke up with an immense pain in my lower right abdomen, and shortly after I began bleeding. I felt sick, dizzy and fell unconscious twice. My parents rang an ambulance, and when they arrived I immediately got the impression that they thought I was being dramatic - I told them that the pain was a 7/10 and they asked if I am sure because this is high. They also asked if I’m sure that this was not just my period. I didn’t know myself at this point what was wrong and this made me feel as though I was wasting their time and didn’t really need to go to hospital. They sent me there just to check.
When I arrived in the ED, a doctor came to ask questions about my symptoms etc. While I appreciate that it was early, as I was answering they yawned loudly 4 times, and was overall quite abrupt with me - I was asked whether I passed out or went unconscious, and I wasn’t sure how to answer so I asked if I could get my mum to come and speak to them as she witnessed the whole thing and they just said “don’t bother”.
They took my blood and went to speak with the gynaecologist. When the gynaecologist came to see me, they explained that my hCG levels were high, indicating that I was pregnant. I didn’t know how to react as I would have been over the moon however I knew that something wasn’t right due to the pain and bleeding. They then examined me internally. I asked so am I definitely pregnant? They said yes. I said and does it look like I have lost the baby? They said NO.
They then said that although it doesn’t look like I have lost the baby, I should have a scan to find the source of the pain. They said this may be two days later, however (very fortunately) they were able to fit me in later that day at 1pm. At this point, I was in a lot of pain and I now understand that this is because my Fallopian tube had ruptured earlier that morning, but nobody knew that at this point. I was waiting for the scan until 230, I kept having to go to the bathroom to cry due to the pain. My boyfriend asked how long it would be because I am in pain and they said I don’t know, we asked if I could have anything for the pain, and I could not even have paracetamol.
When we were seen at 230, we were asked whether the pregnancy was planned, and when we said no they looked at my boyfriend and tutted. No one asked us if we were happy to be having the baby despite not planning for it. During the scan, they told me that they were highly suspicious that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I was aware what this meant but my boyfriend was not and he was offered no explanation. We were told to go and sit in a tiny waiting room with around 6 other people, including babies and children after I have just received this news. Instead I went straight to the bathroom to cry, and I then had to explain to my boyfriend what was happening.
To their credit, as they saw I was upset they let us sit in a room on our own while we waited to find out what was to happen next.
At around 6pm, I was told that I would need to have surgery to remove my right Fallopian tube, and that I would be going into surgery that night. Again, I appreciate the speed at which they got me into surgery, and the surgery went very well. Before I went in for the surgery, I was pretty upset and they just told me that it’s okay because the surgeons are excellent - I wasn’t worried at all about the surgery, I was upset about losing my baby.
After the surgery and until 1pm the next day I was not allowed to see my boyfriend or my family. I was on a ward with other people who weren’t going through the same thing, which can’t be helped but the whole time I was just alone and trying not to get upset.
A doctor came to see me in the morning and what she said made me burst into tears on the spot. She told me that she suggests that I go on a form of contraception that would last 3+ years so that this doesn’t happen again. And she was referring to me getting pregnant. This was incredibly frustrating as no one cared to ask how I felt about having the baby, they see me as a young girl who was probably having this baby by accident and honestly it felt like they thought I should be relieved that I was no longer pregnant. I cannot stress enough how much I wanted this baby and how heartbroken I am.
Following this, they sent in a student doctor to ask me questions about what had happened. As a student I understand that they may not know everything about ectopic pregnancies, but they asked me if they were able to save my baby. At this point I just wanted to go home to be with my boyfriend, who I had not been able to talk things through with yet. I feel for him as although I am going through the physical pain, he has also lost his baby and no one wanted to speak to him even once at the hospital or after. I’m not sure if this is normal but they don’t even want to see me again, or speak to me to see if I’m okay. I was just sent home on the 20th without any advice.
I wasn’t even told whether my stitches were dissolvable or not. We rang the ward and they said they were 90% sure they were dissolvable. My friend is a nurse and she checked them yesterday and told me they were in no way dissolvable and so I had to book an appointment to have those removed. If I hadn’t have been advised by my friend they would still be in there.
Today, I am just feeling very lonely, heartbroken and kind of neglected. I wish people would not look at me and assume that I wasn’t ready for pregnancy. We would have given that baby the world. I’m sorry this was so long and I don’t really expect anyone to read this, but just writing this has lifted a weight. I am also so thankful for finding this website, as it makes me feel less alone and like I actually matter
I’m sorry that the doctor spoke to you like that, no one deserves that on a good day never mind when they’re going through such a thing.