My experience

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1

Good evening all,

I have been reading everyone’s different experiences of ectopic pregnancy on this forum & knowing I am not alone really has helped me heal. I know that someone actually understands what this is like. My heart goes out to everyone going through this. This is my experience.

I am 34 with no children. Naively, I just assumed when I was ready - it would happen for me. I am recently married & was delighted to find out I was pregnant Dec 15. Due to a previous MC, I was very pedantic with all aspects of being pregnant - testing every few days, comparing the lines etc to the point my husband was getting a little frustrated. One morning I woke up & noticed brown spotting with a dull ache in my left side. Gp advised calling EPU & was asked to attend scan. At the scan was told no pregnancy ‘inside the womb’. My mum asked why that might be and was told potentially dates were mixed up & it was too early to see. I knew this wasn’t the case as I track on two separate apps. Had internal scan & that is when the discovered potential ectopic. Admitted to hospital immediately & surgery was arranged. Lost my left tube but advised at follow up everything else & other tube looks ok.

I put it all to the back of my mind & 6 months later it hit me hard. I am so scared of this happening again & I feel so guilty for not being able to give my husband/family the child we all so badly want. It’s been almost a year now & I’m just about ready to try again but my periods have changed drastically since this - shorter like 3 days and very irregular which concerns me. Having a family, even just one child is all I can think about at the moment & I am finding it hard to cope with people asking me when I plan on starting a family. It happens a lot.

Trying to just be positive about it all and tell myself it will happen and I still have good chance of conceiving with one tube. having a bad day today & just need some hope.

Vicky xxxxxxxx

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Dear Vicky,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses.

I am sorry to hear you are having a bad day, thank you for reaching out to the Trust, we are all here for you.

Your feelings resonate so strongly with me. I too felt very guilty for not being able to to give my husband the family we so strongly desired too.

I wish I had words of wisdom for how I overcame these feelings and I guess it was the old healer of time.

I was still struggling two years later and eventually attended counselling where I learnt that although I will never forget my pregnancy and baby, there was nothing I could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy, I have learnt to accept what happened and crucially, eventually accept that it wasn’t my fault.

My periods changed too after my ectopic pregnancy, my cycle was much shorter and a change in cycles is experienced by many women. Cycles can also change for a number of reasons including stress or even (as surprising as it may sound) excessive exercise or weight loss. Doctors normally consider menstrual cycles of between 23-42 days to be within normal parameters. If you are concerned, you can always discuss this with your GP.

As a gentle reminder, the chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So thats 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

Generally, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific TTC board you can look at too whenever feel ready.

Sending much love,

Karen x

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