Hi,
I have been visiting this forum frequently since experiencing an ectopic pregnancy last month and have found it to be a bit of a comfort, especially when reading stories similar to my own. I’m usually a very private person, I haven’t told many people about what happened and didn’t go into detail with the ones I did tell. I wanted to share my experience here, mainly just to vent to people who understand.
I found out I was pregnant whilst on holiday in Greece on 21st May. We had been trying for 5 months and I had done two pregnancy tests the week leading up to this holiday, both of which showed a very faint, barely there line leaving us sceptical so I waited three days, took a digital test on holiday with me and received a positive ‘1 to 2 weeks’ result. I was so happy I cried and spent the week eating super healthy, looking after myself and mentally preparing for our future as a little family.
Then on the 2nd June I experienced some light spotting, just a very small amount of pinkish/light brown blood and only visible on tissue when I wiped. I was concerned but had read that this can be normal in early pregnancy so I tried to put it out of my mind and just kept an eye on it. It carried on over the weekend, getting slightly darker and by Sunday was enough to start showing in my underwear so I had to wear a panty liner. Then by Monday morning I started to panic when I saw bright red blood and clots. I will never forget the fear and distress I felt. I went to see my GP who referred me to the early pregnancy unit for the following day. I was in so much of an emotional state that by the time I had my appointment at the EPU and the nurse told me she couldn’t see anything in my womb I didn’t react, didn’t even cry because by this point I had already accepted that something must be wrong and there wasn’t going to be a baby. I was told that there was a visible mass around my right ovary, my blood was taken and as I wasn’t in any pain I was considered ‘stable’ so went home with an appointment booked for 48 hours time to have another blood test. When we got home I initially felt relieved, just to know what was going on in my body and be able to process everything I’d been told. I naively thought that I’d handled the news well and took this brief feeling of relief to be the end of it until I woke up at 5am the next day and could not stop crying. On and off all day, up and down and this continued for the week. So the strange routine of trips to the hospital every other day became the norm. The blood results initially showed that my hormone levels were rising, just a little each time (99, 114, 135). I would have anxiety attacks and be terrified that my tube was going to burst and I would have to be rushed to hospital. I was scared to be alone in case something happened and my husband wasn’t there to help. After my third blood test results I spoke to a doctor over the phone and practically begged her to take my tube out because I couldn’t deal with the anxiety of it rupturing. She was very understanding and said that they wanted to wait at least a week from diagnosis to give the body a chance to ressolve things naturally. So three days later, another blood test, this time we waited in the hospital to see a doctor for the results and were told that my hormone levels had dropped to 93. So back again 48 hours later - levels at 63 then a week later - levels at 11 at which point I was discharged as they considered anything under 15 to be a negative result. It was a strange feeling to want a pregnancy for so long then in a very short space of time, want nothing more than for it to go away because you’re scared it might kill you. I bled for exactly three weeks during all of this (lighter than a period) and the bleeding stopped the day after I was discharged. I’m still waiting for my period and have been having what feels like period pain on and off for a couple of weeks now.
The whole thing really affected me mentally more than anything, the anxiety, my feelings towards the pregnancy changing so quickly and now the envy I feel towards mums I see with babies or just families in general. I’ve had to delete social media because as happy as I am for the people that get to have babies, I don’t want to see it right now.
Despite all the negative feelings, I do consider myself one of the lucky ones, as lucky as you can be in this situation - I have a really supportive husband who looked after me, took time off work to be with me and was there for all my appointments. I wasn’t in any severe pain and it resolved on it’s own without the need for surgery or medical intervention. I also think back to the holiday when I found out I was pregnant and how awful it could have been had something happened abroad.
I’m sorry to everyone that has had to experience an ectopic pregnancy and for everyone that is here because you have an ectopic pregnancy that is currently being managed. After my scan the nurse said to me ‘unfortunately for most women, an ectopic pregnancy is the worst outcome’. I didn’t really get it at the time but now completely understand because we are not only dealing with the loss of a baby but everything else that comes with the long drawn out process of managing an ectopic pregnancy.
I really hope everyone here goes on to have happy healthy babies. I love reading the success stories with a happy ending and hope I can come back with my own one day. Thank you for reading x