When I saw that pink line on Christmas morning I could not believe my eyes. I had to get your daddy to check you were real! We kept you a secret that day, and whilst opening pressies and trying to avoid as much alcohol as I could get away with without arousing suspicion, I basked in the knowledge of you, my secret Christmas gift. I had wanted you so desperately and we had planned for you so carefully. You will never get the chance to celebrate your first Christmas with us and that breaks my heart. My heart is bursting with love for you as I write this. I miss you my darling, so much. There is a huge empty space in me since you left us. Sometimes it feels like I will feel like this forever. But I believe in heaven and sometimes I feel momentarily pleased that you will not have to suffer in this life and on this earth with the rest of us. You have gone to be with God and he is looking after you, he will be a much better mum and dad than we could have ever been. I hope he is hugging you now, holding you in his heavenly arms. And I hope he whispers in to your ear and tells you how cherished and adored you are by him, and by us. You are my darling, my joy, my first child. You made me a mum and nothing can ever change that. I love you and I miss you x
Beautiful Wadds, just beautiful x
Your words tugged my heart strings xxxxx
Hello my little darling. You would have been 20 weeks now and I just want to say how much I miss you. I have been feeling a little guilty as your daddy and I have been trying for another baby this week. I just want you to know that you will always be my first, beautiful baby and even though I never got a chance to get to know you, you made me a mummy and you are utterly precious and treasured. I hope we manage to conceive a brother or sister for you but this child will never, ever replace you. You are unique. I look at my sapphire ring every day and I think of you. I will never, ever forget you my darling xxx
Hello baby number two. I can’t believe I am writing to you here as well. I thought you were going to be the one I hold in my arms 
I really pray you’ve met your older brother/sister and you are being looked after. I love you xxx
Hello Baby no 1, it’s so hot here today and it is such a contrast to the cold Christmas morning when I met you for the first time on that positive pregnancy test. I can’t believe I had to say goodbye to you after such a short time. You would have been due soon and I keep thinking about whether you would have been a boy or a girl, would you have had your daddy’s eyes or mine, what you would weigh, what we might have named you. I really wish you were here with us instead of heaven with God. I hope he is taking could care of you and you have met your younger sibling. I hope you have fun in heaven and there are lots of cuddles and it is warm and safe. I hope you sleep soundly without a care in the world and you and Baby no 2 sometimes giggle and play together. I’ve got a feeling you would have been a bright little spark, full of life and love. I wish I could have known what it was like to hold you and see your face. My arms feel empty and my heart is aching for what might have been. My Christmas gift would have materialised in to a summer flower blooming with life and potential. I miss you and will love you forever. Thanks for visiting, thanks for giving me the best Christmas day ever, and thanks for making me a mum. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
To my Christmas gift and my Spring flower,
Wow, I can’t believe it is a year on, and I am writing to you both here again. I still miss you both so much and wish with all of my heart, things could have been different. I never imagined I wouldn’t be pregnant with a brother or sister for you both by now It’s tough, and sometimes I wish I was in heaven with you both as that would be easier. But then you remind me that God gives me breath and a heartbeat everyday for a reason. I’m alive and I want to live my life to honour the lives you never got to live.
Baby no 1, it would have been your first Christmas with us. You would have been nearly 4 months old and no doubt I would have dressed you up in an embarrassing santa’s helper outfit. At least you have been spared that 
:lol: I would have been so proud of you, passing you around to be cuddled and admired. You would have brought some much needed joy to our wider family. When I think of you I know you would have been a real joy bringer, a unique little spark full of curiosity and life.
Baby no 2, you would have still been safe and warm in my womb. I’m so sorry my body let you down. I would probably have been going on maternity leave shortly and the house would have been absolutely full of baby supplies and hope for the future. We would have been absolutely skint but I wouldn’t have cared. Knowing you were on the way would have been enough for me. When I think of you I know you would have been a symbol of hope. That sometimes after the storm, the sun comes out and a rainbow appears.
I love and miss you both so much, your Mum xx
Thats beautiful wadds… big hugs-xx
Darling baby number 2, today is your due date and I just want you to know that I love and miss you now more than I ever have. Your life was snatched away too soon but you will live on in my heart until my life is over. I think of you every day and I carry your memory with me wherever I go and whatever I do. I hope one day we will be together forever and I will finally be able to give you a big cuddle x
To my Christmas gift, I can’t believe it is your due date again and you would have been 1 years old around this time. I have shed a little tear for you today. It feels so unfair that you never got to live your life, all that potential snatched away far too soon. I am 16 weeks pregnant with a little brother or sister for you and baby no 2. The due date is just a few days after baby no 2 was due. That feels very strange. I thought for so long this baby might go to heaven to be with you and baby no 2 but so far so good, and I am starting to feel that this pregnancy might lead to a baby that I get to hold in my arms. I still feel so sad that I never got to hold you in my arms but I hope one day we meet in heaven and then I will give you the longest, biggest hug ever. I can’t wait to see what you look like. I love you and will miss you always xxx