November last year I fell pregnant but very quickly knew there was something not right (impending sense of doom so they say). I was having some light spotting which prompted the gp to send me for a scan to which they labelled it as a “pregnancy or unknown location”. They did their best to reassure me that it may just be too early to see anything (dates wise I was about 6 weeks and this was when I saw my older daughter clear as day on a scan so was a bit sceptical). Any way a week went on and I was on a late shift at work (luckily in the ambulance control room) when I had immense pain and very heavy bleeding. Rushed to hospital, turned out to be ectopic and they removed my left Fallopian tube. We were/are destraught. Moving forward to February this year, I found out that I was pregnant again. We had stopped using contraception however I had what I thought was a period and a negative pregnancy test. The “period” came back the following week so I retook the test and I was pregnant. However now I was having the same spotting as previously. Straight away with my history my GP sent me to hospital. They started monitoring me and my HCG levels and scans etc and came to the conclusion that it was 99% ectopic again. I went in for surgery that day and they tried to save the tube by scraping it out. They continued to monitor my HCG levels which straight away dropped from 700 to 100 but then stayed at 100 for another week. I wasn’t a candidate for methotrexate because of minor liver issues (which now I have been told would not have been affected by methotrexate but I do understand that in an emergency they don’t have time to biopsy my liver too). I then ended up loosing my second Fallopian tube. Reality hasn’t hit me until now. We are about to start self funded IVF and I am terrified. I can’t stop crying or thinking about everything that has happened. I keep dreaming that I’m pregnant and then I’m not. I know I’m ready to try again but I can’t stop “feeling sorry for myself”. I’m so hypersensitive to things that people say even if it’s completely innocent and I find myself being jealous of close friends who are pregnant. I feel like I’m loosing the plot!
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It’s nice to write things down without the inturruption of “at least you have one”. Xx
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancies and losses. To experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.
I understand this must be such a difficult time for you but we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
We will also be here for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
I have also lost both tubes after 3 ectopics in a 15 month period.
I can relate to everything you have written, my sister in law is currently pregnant and I find I can’t actually be in the same room as her - especially as my daughter is so excited for her baby cousin. Then the awful jealousy kicks in when I feel she should be getting excited over a sibling! I’m angry, sad, jealous and emotional all the time. We are also currently starting to prepare for ivf - such a daunting experience. Here if you need to chat xxx