Hi,
I found out on Wednesday that I was pregnant after a trip to docs with severe pains on Tuesday night. She referred me for a scan the next day. My overexcited husband told so many people that afternoon even though I had explained about the pains. Anyway, after a long morning in the hospital we found I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I already have a 2 year old, who I had trouble conceiving and I always say if I have no more I am so blessed to have him because he is the best!!
What is heartbreaking for me is my brother in laws’ girlfriend is 32 weeks pregnant and has not even text to see if I’m ok. She has smoked and drank throughout the pregnancy, lied that she was until 16 weeks. I told my mil this and her reply was oh well she is a bit scatty. I’m so upset and feel that I can’t face her. We live so close so I always pas her in the car, bump into her in the shop and so on. Plus my husband is super close with his brother- who’s reply to my initial hospital visit was to tell my husband in a skitty way that he should go with me to check I’m not making it up!! Hubby replied don’t judge my wife by your gf standards!
I’m so sad about what has happened to us, but I feel like when I will go home I will be so alone, and it will all be brushed under the carpet. I thought she was my friend.
Dear Se1986,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and of the difficult time you are experiencing with your family members.
I found that even close family and friends didn’t truly understand how I felt and the grief I was experiencing and they were trying to be helpful. With everything you have been through, you need to surround yourself with those who care about you and not worry about others who may have their minds on other things.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space. Please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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