How to cope with your feelings

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I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. A big shock as we had finished our family, I have a 5 month old child, fully breast feeding and on the pill. I had reservations about another pregnancy but eventually got my head around the idea. I had no idea how far along I was as I’ve had no periods since giving birth.

A private scan showed no evidence of a pregnancy in the womb and after various HCG results and scans over the following week, an ovarian pregnancy was found. I have had methotrexate treatment 2 days ago and I have had no side effects. I have been reading the research and it suggests that methotrexate treatment is not as successful for ovarian pregnancies - this worries me greatly as I feel it more of the waiting game I have had for the past 2 weeks. On top of this, I can’t breast feed my 5 month old son which is breaking my heart. I have so many confused feelings of guilt (did I deserve this as I wasn’t instantly happy to be pregnant), fear (is the worst yet to come), anxiety, a feeling of isolation from my family (like I don’t fit in) and a deep sadness. I can’t seem to control my emotions and every time I open my mouth to talk, I just cry and feel sick with anxiety.

How do I start processing these feelings and making sense of whats happening?

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Dear RSB86,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

I understand the frustration of being treated with methotraxate. I am afraid it is difficult to predict how long it will take for your hormone levels reach non-pregnant levels. As we are all individual, our bodies respond differently to the drug and it depends on factors like how high levels reached and our unique physiology. What I can say is that it can take a number of weeks and, while it can take some time, it is not as invasive a procedure as surgery. Also, in terms of chances of future successful pregnancies, studies do not show a significant difference between treatment routes, whether surgical, medical using methotrexate or expectant management (allowing time for the body to resolve the pregnancy itself).

While methotrexate is metabolised quickly by the body, it can affect the quality of your cells including those of your blood for up to three months after it has been given. One of the side effects to treatment is fatigue and many feel very tired and are shocked by the exhaustion they experience through treatment. The impacts of the drug are on top of an already immense ordeal - the diagnostic process of ectopic pregnancy, regular visits to hospital, loss of a pregnancy which all take their toll physically and emotionally and is very understandable and normal.

Please take time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

We are all here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.