I’m so sorry you’re going this. I had a ruptured ectopic in March, as well as a miscarriage in July. I’m also at that life stage where everyone is announcing a pregnancy, already pregnant or giving birth. I’ve found social media to be a big trigger for me, my explore page on Instagram is filled with pregnancy and birth announcements. I have a two year old and so many of my mum’s group are pregnant with their second, giving birth around the times I would have had my babies. I’m finding myself pulling back from them a lot, which is hard when they’ve been such a big support over the last two years.
I don’t have any profound advice, but please know you’re not alone. I have shared my losses with close friends and family, and whilst it has been hard it has helped to share what I’m going through so they can sit in my feeling too, or be more sensitive around the topics we discuss.
I also have a friend who’s just had her third child and I had to open up to her about my losses to explain my absence in her postpartum period. I really want to be there to support her through her postpartum period, but emotionally and physically I need to give myself space to heal before I can support someone else. She’s an amazing friend and understands. I still feel guilty for not being ‘strong enough’. I know she will be there for me when I’m through the worst of my grief, but right now we have some distance between us. Your true friends will understand and be there for you when you need.
You are grieving and healing, give yourself space. If that means avoiding some functions at this time, don’t feel guilty about it or feel you need to rush back into normal routine/life. You have been through something traumatic, its okay to need time for you. But I also understand the need to get back into your normal routine, like Karen mentioned, work with your partner on ways they can support you when in public settings. Talk about what my trigger your emotions and a plan for if a trigger appears. Maybe staying together the whole function so you can squeeze hands when one of you needs a break, or having some words/phrases that could mean you need to leave early etc.
All the best x