Hope x

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1

Hi all

It only felt right for me to share my story exactly a year to the day that I recieved my methotrexate injection for my ectopic pregnancy. This forum helped me so much while I was going through the hardest time of my life and I remember reading stories from other people that gave me so much hope and I promised myself one day whenever it may be that I had my own positive story I would share it in the hope of helping someone else.

I found out I was pregnant back in March last year, after 2 years of trying I couldn’t believe it when I saw the positive pregnancy test. It later turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy and as I said previously I was treated with methotrexate.

On the first month of being able to try again by some miracle I found out I was pregnant. It was a really scary time as I was feeling lots of pain and twinges in my ectopic side. I had my scan at the EPU and it turned out my baby was in the correct place after initially being diagnosed with a pregnancy of unknown viability.

I am now sat writing this with my beautiful 2 week old baby boy in my arms exactly 1 year on to the day from my world coming crashing down. I read something someone had posted on here last year saying that when we eventually get our rainbow baby, we must know that they were guided down the tube and shown the way by the baby that we lost, and it stuck with me to this day.

I hope my story does give someone even a tiny bit of hope, because I didn’t ever think this would happen for me and it has, and it will for you to even though it may feel hopeless now.

xx

2

Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed it and I love seeing people’s positive stories after us going through such a horrible time.

I went through expectant management and got the all clear around 3 weeks ago. I am desperate to start trying again and don’t see a lot of success stories from people who haven’t had their tube removed so this has given me some hope that I will get my rainbow baby soon.

Congratulations on your little bundle x

3

Congratulations and thank you for sharing. Your post really made me emotional, so happy for you!

4

Hello, I am new on here… I am currently 5 days post surgery to have my right tube removed because of ectopic pregnancy. My husband and I were trying for a while before I fell pregnant. On March 13th 2024 we got that positive test and we were so happy and excited… but it has all come crashing down.

We booked a private early scan to see our 7 week baby on the screen, but they found nothing… at that point I knew we were losing our baby and this was going to get worse.

We were referred to the early pregnancy unit at the hospital and they diagnosed the ectopic pregnancy. They monitored me by blood tests and scans for 4 days but unfortunately the pregnancy was still progressing in the tube and I had to have surgery. I was so scared, it was the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced.

When I woke up from the surgery, they told me it was rupturing as they took it out and they also found that I have endometriosis.

I feel so angry and upset that I have lost our baby, I have lost a tube and now I have a disease that can cause infertility as well… everyone is telling me to try and keep positive and ‘this happens to lots of women’. But I can’t see any hope… the dream of having a baby is getting further and further away from us and I am completely broken.

My two best friends are due babies within the next two months and both my sister in laws have just had babies… I’m surrounded by happy families. They get their beautiful, healthy babies and I get a broken system instead… I don’t know what I have done to deserve this.

How am I supposed to move on and keep hope?

5

Hi MrsRead

I’m really sorry to hear your story and the horrible time you have been through. I completely understand how you are feeling, it just isn’t fair and it makes it so much worse when people are having babies around you. When my ectopic pregnancy happened my younger sister had just announced that she was pregnant, it broke me, it just wasn’t fair.

I had seen a fertility specialist and was told they couldn’t help me as my BMI was too high, it felt like literally everything was against me and it was never going to happen. Everytime someone announced a pregnancy whether it was on social media or at work it was a literal punch in my heart - so believe me I do know how you’re feeling.

But the one thing that got me through everything was having hope, the tiniest bit of hope. Everytime I saw a rainbow I told myself it was a sign that my rainbow baby was coming and reminded me to have that little bit of hope, without hope we have nothing.

My messages are always open if you ever need someone to talk to x

6

Dear MrsRead,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, concerns about the future, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

We hear from many people who successfully concieve following ectopic pregnancy but I understand the added complication of endometriosis will have you concerned. I would advise asking for a referral to a fertility specialist who will have your medical notes and be able to assess the extent of the endometriosis and give you personalised medical advice.

You have been through such a lot in a very short space of time. We advise that you should take it very easy for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.

We hear from many people wondering why this has happened or what the have done to deserve this. I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.

Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

7

After many years of effort, it has paid off for you. Congratulations!

8

EPT Host 20:
Dear MrsRead,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, concerns about the future, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

We hear from many people who successfully concieve following ectopic pregnancy but I understand the added complication of endometriosis will have you concerned. I would advise asking for a referral to a fertility specialist who will have your medical notes and be able to assess the extent of the endometriosis and give you personalised medical advice.

You have been through such a lot in a very short space of time. We advise that you should take it very easy for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.

We hear from many people wondering why this has happened or what the have done to deserve this. I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.

Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

Hi Karen,

5 years ago I had an abortion. I was 19, I had only been with my current husband for 3 months at that point and we were terrified… I wanted to keep the baby and so did he, but my parents pushed me to have an abortion because they had me so young they warned me how hard it is and I was so scared that I went through with it and I had the abortion…. But afterwards I hated myself, I felt so guilty and I told myself and everyone around me that because I had the abortion, when I try for a baby properly, something terrible will happen to me and I will lose the baby…… fast forward to 5 years later (now) my husband and I planned everything, we waited until we have the money, the house, marriage, everything perfect to bring a baby into the world and look what happens… I have an ectopic pregnancy, lose the baby, have a tube removed and I’m diagnosed with endometriosis. I knew this was going to happen. I knew I didn’t deserve a baby because I could have had one and I let it go…

I do understand that nature doesn’t work like that, but I can’t help but feel like I brought this on myself. I feel so guilty to my husband, he wanted the first baby and now because of me, he has lost two. We have to watch everyone around us have what we want…We are in our late twenties so we’re at that age where everyone is starting their families and we have to start again. I still haven’t ovulated yet, I have no cycle still, I have to wait 4 weeks for an MRIS scan to diagnose what stage my endometriosis is and then decide if I have to have another surgery to remove some of it… trying to conceive again is so far in the future. I feel as though I am waiting for each day to end because I won’t be happy again until I have a healthy pregnancy.

9

Dear Mrs Read,

I can categorically say that your previous abortion did not cause your ectopic pregnancy and you certainly do not deserve losing a baby and part of your fertility because of it.

I am sorry to hear that you felt pressurised into having an abortion and not supported to make a decision you felt more comfortable with at the time. I do wonder if the trauma of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and having a diagnosis of endometriosis is making those feelings of guilt much worse. Some women and people can experience PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder follow ectopic pregnancy. You have nothing to be guilty for, but I think you could possibly benefit from some talking therapies to help you realise this yourself.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

10

I have left a message on your telephone support line this evening, so hopefully I get a call back soon… I myself work in mental health support, so I understand how beneficial it can be to speak about everything. However, I wouldn’t use my area’s talking therapy services as I have used them before and not found it helpful at all… they often give you online workbooks instead of actual therapy and it’s pretty useless. I also wouldn’t want to speak to anyone who doesn’t understand what an ectopic pregnancy is, as a lot of people/professionals don’t…

Two weeks before I was diagnosed with the ectopic pregnancy, I went to A&E with agonising stomach pain and they told me to go home as it was no way ectopic or anything to be concerned of, it was just early pregnancy growing pains… it’s a good job it wasn’t rupturing there and then, because no one believed that I was in pain, everyone thought I was being a wimp about pregnancy symptoms. My whole life I’ve had awful period pains and always been told It’s normal, just get on with it and it turns out I have endometriosis! My trust in doctors has pretty much gone out the window. So when they tell me “don’t worry, you can still get pregnant, keep up hope” I think “well what do you know? You don’t know anything?!”

There is clearly not enough research or training around ectopic pregnancies or endometriosis… no one has any answers for me. Everyone just says to keep positive. How can I?!

I don’t think any of the doctors understand how badly it mentally impacts you to go through it either. They put me in a gown and pressure socks ready for surgery and then they walked me through the busy waiting room full of pregnant women waiting for their scans, to go through to theatre. I walked through those women, looking at me, probably thinking “that poor woman”. They’re sat there with their baby bumps and I’m being escorted by a surgeon and a doctor in a hospital gown. It’s like nobody got it… how mortifying that was. I felt like a cow being cast off for slaughter…

11

Hi Natasha

Congratulations this is amazing news

Wish you and your baby well

I hope you don’t mind me asking but did you start trying 12 weeks after your methotrexate injection or 12 weeks after your hcg levels had dropped? I’m now 10 weeks post methotrexate injection

Thank you

12

Dear Mrs Read

I am so sorry to hear of everything you have been through.

Although there are great healthcare professionals out there, we sadly, all to frequently hear of those who don’t consider the emotional impact of ectopic pregnancy. We hear of many people whose experience was very medicalised and the fact that we are losing a baby as well as dealing with the diagnosis of a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment is often overlooked.

As a Trust, we are working hard to try and change this by educating healthcare professionals so women and people can be treated with the care and compassion they deserve during an often frightening experience.

If you haven’t already, I would ask your GP to refer you to a gynaecology specialist to discuss your endometriosis and possible treatments.

I am glad you have left a message with our support services. They will be in touch soon and are excellent at listening and providing support.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

13

Hi Laura

Thank you!

We started trying again 12 weeks after my methotrexate injection on my nearest ovulation window to the 12 week date, I think it was a few days earlier than exactly 12 weeks.

Good luck with everything xx

14

Thank you for getting back to me :slight_smile:

15

Dear Natasha,

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby boy, and taking the time to write about your experience. As you can see, you have supported so many people already.

Give your little one an extra cuddle from all of us at the EPT and we will always be here for you to lean on should you ever need us,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team