Hi im just looking for some advice

Hi all ive just joined today i found this website after i found out i might have a Ectopic Pregnacy and decided to join once it was confirmed.

So on Friday 30th June my life just seamed to go to hell i called my doctors as i thought i had a urine infection i was 5weeks+6days and i was worried after reading it could cause all sorts of problems in my pregnacy so i talked to my GP & she asked me loads of questions like how long had it been going on for? is there blood? any pains like in my sholders? have i had a scan?could i have a STD? i was a bit shocked as i have had 2 children before & a early miss carriage but never had been asked them the only pains i had was like a cramp in my groin which i had got the day before after i woke up from a nap i didnt think nothing of it so she sent me to EPU but they turned me away & said they was too busy i should just go A&E so i spent 9hrs being seen by different doctors they just kept telling me i was fine i prob had a UTI my bloods was fine & i should go & come back Monday for a scan but the Gynaecologist wasnt happy with that so she did an internal examination said all looked fine she didnt think it was an Ectopic cos i didnt have any of the signs but was worried cos of my groin pains & this infection that my body was showing so she managed to ring another hospital & get me a emergency scan for the next day & a prescription for some pregnacy friendly antibiotics that i could collect the next day so i went home still in pain but happy by baby was doing okay so the next day i went to the next hospital had an internal scan the dr was worried it was anything other then groin damage so he looked around at my womb he said it was prob too early to see anything there was something but he wasnt sure what it was he said while he had me there he was use the camera to see why my groin is hurting so much & thats when my world came crumbling down he said he found my baby its heart was beating but it was growing outside of my womb then he proceeded to explain about Ectopic Pregnancies but my brain just shut down i just wanted to go home with my baby still safely inside me but he said i couldnt go i had to have it removed i was taking to another room had bloods taken & a cannula was fitted in my hand the drs all kept talking to me but it just wasnt sinking in all i could think of is im about to let them kill my baby because i had eaten breakfast that morning i had to wait for what seamed like forever on a ward i just wanted to be left alone they told my partner i wasnt to be left a lone for even a second i hated it. When i woke from surgery again all the drs just kept talking to me but nothing wanted to sink in the only thing that did was yes it was an Ectopic Pregnacy they did keyhole surgery to “remove it” & removed my right tube & found that i had been bleeding internally for a while which they “fixed” i was finally allowed out on the Sunday it felt like weeks had past being stuck in that bed under constant supervision.

Sorry for the long winded back story i just wanted people to understand what had happened before i start asking a bunch of questions i just wanted to know a few things to try & help me get through this altho my partner is going through it too it just feels like he doesnt understand i feel so much hatred to everyone really everything is a constant reminder about babies i know i shouldnt be ungrateful i already have 2 children but i so desperately wanted another baby. At the time i just wanted them to remove everything i never wanted another baby or to go through this again but as days are passing i want another baby so bad my partner says he never wants to go through that again he doesnt want to lose me but thats all i can think about is having another baby my best friend has 2 children 1yrs old & 1 a few weeks old but i cant even talk to her im so jealous of her & angry cos she didnt want another 1 but shes got a perfect little baby & heres me who so wanted 1 lost it ive read these feelings are perfectly normal as ive had a loss but i just want to know how long am i going to feel like this i dont want to be angry at everyone all the time.

Hi Iccle_Princess,

My heart goes out to you and all that you have been through in this short amount of time. I am so sorry to hear that you’ve experienced an ectopic pregnancy and loss. These boards are filled with women who have been through similar experiences, myself included, and I will do my very best to help and answer your questions.

First of all, it is very important to look after yourself right now. An ectopic pregnancy is a physical and emotional trauma, and you will need to give yourself time to heal and recover. There is nothing you did to cause an ectopic pregnancy. Right now, taking care of yourself will be of utmost importance. Unfortunately, there is no set timeframe for recovery, and every women will experience things differently. That is one reason these boards can be so helpful, as they are a safe space to share our experiences, ask questions, or simply to vent.

I’m sorry that the care you received was not as straightforward as it may have been. The guidance on the EPTs website might be a good place as you begin to form your questions. But also, please know that you can post on these boards and we will do our best to help you as well. https://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/you … pregnancy/ . In terms of your care circumstances, you may be aware that you can raise your thoughts via the Patient Advice and Liaison Service or PALS. You can find your local PALS here and it may be an avenue which can help:

http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Patien … Search/363

Men also experience grief after an ectopic pregnancy. In many cases, it looks different than how women grieve. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open. You might find that journalling helps your to put some of your emotions and thoughts on paper. For me, journalling helped me to organize my thoughts, questions, and emotions so that I could share with my partner and family. It’s natural to feel conflicting emotions when seeing other’s children. Happiness, but also jealousy and disappointment as we think of what might have been.

It’s important to give yourself space for all of the emotions and recovery. Please feel free to visit here as often as you need. We are here for you as long as you need.

With good wishes,

Michele