Hello,
I am glad to have found this website/forum at a time when i have never felt more alone and isolated and i have already found a lot of comfort just reading the posts of other women who have been through the same experiences as me…
It all started 3 weeks ago when, after 3 and 1/2 years of TTC baby no 2 ( i am blessed to have a 5 year old) and tubal surgery last April to join my left tube back together (not sure why the tube was damaged thought to be congenital) I finally had a positive pregnancy test something i had really started to think was never going to happen…of course my happiness was blighted at the time by the thought that i may miscarry which had happened before DD. but off i went to the GP because i had been told by my surgeon that i was at increased risk of EP… never did i think that it would happen to me…I had a bit of spotting at the time my period would normally be due but other than that nothing … no pain no other bleeding… my GP sent me to the EPAC for a scan as i thought to be about 6 weeks.
So off i went they couldn’see anything from an abdo USS so they did a trans vag scan… they couldn’t see anything in my Uterus but they could see a mass behind my uterus the sonographer couldn’t tell if it was bowel… so they did HCG bloods and told me they wanted me to stay in because they thought it may be ectopic… by this stage i was crying because i thought i had just miscarried my much wanted baby but now they were telling me it may be EP…
when my result came back they said the levels were low enough that i could go home because it could be a failing pregnancy or just that i was earlier than i first thought…
To cut a long painful story short after a week of going back and forth to the hospital and repeat HCG tests they decided on the friday that my levels which were rising but at a much slower rate did most likely indicate an EP and told me that i would need a laparoscopy with the possible removal of my tube…
I cried so much they must have thought i was pathetic but having gone through the surgery the previous year to join my tube together i couldn’t bear the thought of losing it after all that… also my tube on the right side has a tiny hole in it (which was showed up on the lap and dye) and my surgeon had left it because he thought it likely that i had conceived DD on that side. This was all happening to me at a different hospital beacause we moved house last year and they didn’t know me and i had never met the surgeon…she assured me that she would do her best to save the tube… and so i agreed to go to theatre ( much to their relief i think). In the event i did have an EP on left tube and it was about 3cms, Thankfully , she managed to save the tube and did a salpingotomy, but my much wanted baby was taken from me on the 1st Feb.
My Husband has been great and is as cut up as i am… i am physically healing slowly but emotionally i am all over the place…it doesn’t help that people keep saying that i still have my DD and that is something to be thankful for. I know how lucky i am to have DD she is a true miracle but it still hurts that i all i have ever wanted is to have more babies and i can’t seem to do it… i feel that the odds are completely against me i am frightened to do IVF. and any way all the weight i managed to lose in the year before my op last april i have managed to gain back most of it and i can’t seem to stop comfort eating to even try and diet…
After the op i was discharged from hospital the next day and not given any information on support or what to expect and it was almost as if the attitude was ‘right we’ve fixed you now get on with it’ I feel i would have more sympathy from people if i’d had a miscarriage. It’s as if having an EP doesn’t count and that really hurts. My best friend who is pregnant at the moment had been avoiding me since i told her not asking me about it at all. The onl personi can talk to about it is my husband and we do. But he is worried about me as it is and i don’t want him to feel even worse…
Anyway, sorry for the long rambling post i know you have probably all gone off to sleep reading it. but it has helped me a little to write down some of my fears. It’s nice to have a place to go where i know i am not alone in how i am feeling.
It would be great to hear from other women who have had similar experiences and gone on to have another baby against the odds. and also to hear the ways in which you dealt/ are dealing with everything.
Thanks for listening, i look forward to getting to know soe of you and hopefully giving support to others as well.
Claire
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