Hi,
That was me in 2019. Very similar experience although I did not realise I was pregnant until I was in the back of an ambulance realizing what was going on when they asked if I was pregnant. Afterwards I was so numb. My husband and I wanted a child so badly and age 30 was upon me. I was depressed and didn’t know what to do. I lost a tonne of weight and didn’t want to talk to anyone.
Eventually I physically healed enough to go back to work. I didn’t tell many people what had happened and lied about working out when people commented on my weight loss. I always did my hair and makeup because people think you are fine if you look good.
Honestly, it just took time. I started out doing what you are doing posting here. Eventually I felt comfortable enough to talk to close friends about what had happened. Many of them had miscarriages of their own and even thought their experiences were different it made me feel less alone. I probably should have gone to therapy as I was having night terrors, panic attacks and signs of PTSD, but I never did and I sort of regret that. I just tried to get back to normal life as much as possible. Melotonian put me to sleep on nights that my head was racing and joining a gym made me feel stronger again.
After almost two years, I can talk about my experience with other without crying. After a year and a half, my husband finally gave me the okay that he was comfortable trying again. We are now pregnant again and things are very early, but so far so good. We tried for 5 months, but didn’t really have a difficult time getting pregnant even with one tube. I pregnancy tested constantly and as soon as I got a positive my Dr did blood tests within 48 hours to make sure that hcg levels were rising and did an ultrasound at 6 weeks to verify that it was in my uterus this time (it was the most stressful time of my life wondering if it was ectopic again). I still have a hard time trusting my body and pray that this pregnancy goes well.
This post got a lot longer than I thought it would. I just want to advise you to give yourself time and try to focus on the future. The future is bright and full of hope for the both of us.