Feeling hopeless - NHS referral

BeccaLuan · 7 April 2021 16:21

Hi, it hurts to write this post but I feel I have nowhere else to turn and I wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar experience? - this is my 18th month ttc, (minus the 4 month during and after the ectopic). I honestly feel like I’m at the end of the road for my TTC journey today after just having another period and the start of a new cycle. I have regular periods (29 days like clockwork) and an LH surge on or around the 16/17th day of my cycle, a little on the late side but not too bad. I also feel ovulation pains during the surge and for a few hours after. Because of my age, I contacted my GP after six months of ttc and before the ectopic pregnancy I had an NHS referral moving through the system which has progressed slowly due to Covid. A year after the GP sent a referral letter I am no further forward, I have had one phone consultation with my new consultant a specialist in her field who wants to perform laparoscopic surgery to understand if there is evidence of endo or scarring, I have no idea when this procedure will be able to progress or how long the backlog/waiting list is. I’m 38, because of my age I took it upon myself to privately pay for scans, AMH, Semen Analysis, consultations and a HyCoSy - all in all this has cost us as a couple over £1500. I have never had any tests via either my consultant or the NHS to try and get to the root of the issue, (if I’m ovulating for example). My AMH is low for my age and this month is the first month that I’m really starting to think that I’ll never be able to have a family without finding the money to skip the referral and pay privately for more treatment - I’m absolutely devastated.

EPT_Host_22 · 9 April 2021 10:31

Hi Becca,

I am so sorry to hear of all you have been through. It is heartbreaking and frustrating. The decisions and process of ttc can be some of the hardest to endure, as there are often no definitive or straightforward pathways or solutions. Much of the advice we provide deals with time and timing, but I know that after 18 months of trying that can feel less and less satisfying.

I’m not medically qualified to comment on your specific situation, but will try my best to help. Covid is not helping any timelines or referrals, that in itself is a traumatic experience. You have been exploring all avenues for support, and it may be that you try to keep them all open as you move ahead.

At the same time however, it may be helpful to look into more emotional support. So often the process of ttc is highly stressful that we forget to provide ourselves some emotional support while going through it. As well, I do also understand that sometimes we need to make the decision to stop trying. It can be difficult and can bring up many emotions. We may grieve for what we hoped would happen.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counseling. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/.

I know none of this advice is straightforward. I tried to figure out the causes of my ectopics and lack of fertility for many months and years. At 42 years old, I can say I was the most surprised person in the room to find out I was pregnant, naturally. I share this not to give false hope, but to offer that some things can’t always be known until they happen.

I wish you peace in this journey. It is such a difficult one. Please be kind to yourself and know we are here for you.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

Sarahh1234 · 10 April 2021 08:37

Hi becca try not to give up hope I have just turned 41 and just found out im pregnant after eptopic December 2019 been trying since I have a scan next week at 6 weeks as obsolete petrified it be eptopic again I am lucky enough to have other grown up children all the best x

BeccaLuan · 28 April 2021 16:51

Hi Sarah, Hi Michele

thank you so much for the kind comments - they really do help. You are quite right mental health is something that I’ve not given enough thought about really - I have just started to go to acupuncture and finally have a date to start medication for IVF. This is the last cycle we will be trying naturally and I have just had the faintest positive test line appear!! - it’s so true that the minute you stop worrying - it can happen. thanks both and keeping my fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy xxx

EPT_Host_22 · 30 April 2021 07:59

BeccaLuan,

Sending you a whispered congratulations. Take it easy and look after yourself. Following my second ectopic, I also embarked on some acupuncture. It was part of relieving some stress in my rather, not a medical cure. All together the steps helped me with a healthier outlook.

Sending very good wishes your way,