Hi my name is crystal. I had my ectopic pregnancy I’m October 2015. I have 2 boys by my previous marriage. The pregnancy was not planned especially only after 3 months after loosing my dad to an accident. I wasn’t sure how to take the news of being pregnant after only being with my boyfriend for 8 months, definitely mixed emotions! I called my dr to schedule an appointment to confirm my pregnancy but a couple days after taking the home pregnancy test I started spotting and hurting a little I knew something wasn’t right, I went to the er they confirmed I was about 5 weeks according to my blood work and sent me for an ultrasound but no baby was present so they sent me home to follow up with my obgyn in a couple days. After going to my appointment the blood work cam back my hcg levels dropped instead of doubling the dr suggested I go get an injection to resolve the pregnancy. I went to the hospital to get it done and backed out feeling confused and scared, I wanted another ultrasound just to make sure. A few days later I had another ultrasound still no baby so I was told it showed nothing nowhere so I must have lost the baby by miscarriage to go home and try again. My boyfriend said to go to a different dr for a second opinion so I did by then my hgc levels trippled so I had hoped again just to get disappointed that’s when they found it in my left tube. That same day I received my injection to undo my pregnancy I was scared confused and angry I felt as if I had enough loss and grief in my life I was just warning up to the idea of another baby and was getting excited about it. The dr suggested I wait 3 months to try again so I did. After about 4 months passed my boyfriend and I tried to conceive again but almost 2 years later still nothing. My cycles stared back after receiving my injection but they are not regular not sure if that’s the problem or if it’s just stress from wanting it so bad. Things has definitely changed with my boyfriend and I.we used to have intercourse daily until the ectopic pregnancy now it’s hardly ever. He said the ectopic pregnancy hurt him also because he wanted another baby but if that’s the case why isn’t he trying harder like I’m trying. He have had more than one argument over the pregnancy because to me it seems he doesn’t care to him he says he cares but trying to stay strong for the both of us. I was 34 when the pregnancy happened now I’m 36 and I feel as if time is ticking down for us to have our baby together. I talked with my obgyn about not being able to get pregnant and she just keeps telling me to give it time but 2 years I’m starting to worry it won’t happen. My cycle is every 21 days instead of 28 days any advice on how we can make our family complete before it’s to late?
Dear crystal,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and the difficult time you are going through.
We are an UK based charity so unfortunately I can only give you general advice of practices here in the UK.
Trying to conceive again can be a challenging time for couples especially after experiencing loss. While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things.
I wish I could give more precise information, but as I do not have access to your and your partner’s medical records, it is difficult for me to provide specific details. Generally, we and many healthcare professionals advise keeping a healthy balanced diet, maintaining a healthy weight and abstaining from alcohol and smoking.
In the UK, we advise to seek help if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.
In addition, having regular sex means having sex every 2/3 days throughout the month. Guidance from the UK’s National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence advises that having sex around the time when the woman ovulates causes stress and is not recommended. We here at the EPT suggest having intercourse 2/3 times between days 10-20 of their cycle when trying to conceive. We also have information on our website.
If you are not having sexual intercourse as often as you were previously, I would suggest talking to your partner about any fears or worries he has. We have a Men’s Space board with a post from a partners perspective of ectopic pregnancy and it maybe helpful reading it together or he can also post any worries or concerns he has.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process and it maybe worth looking looking into counselling or talking therapies in your area.
With regards to your periods, doctors normally consider menstrual cycles of between 23-42 days to be within normal parameters. If your periods fall outside of this parameter, I would suggest keeping a diary of your menstrual cycle and visiting your Dr with the information, so they know how best to guide you.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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