I’m heartbroken. I’ve been going through IVF and ended up with only one viable embryo. I ended up pregnant and everything was looking great. My HCG was doubling but at 6w ultrasound my baby was found in my left tube. They had perfect growth and a heartbeat and my HCG was now 15,000. Because of the size and heartbeat I had to go to the hospital immediately for surgery to remove my pregnancy and my left tube. I feel so alone. My doctor has never had a ectopic this advanced in 35 years. He only had 1 ectopic all last year out of the 700 pregnancies! Not sure how to process and move forward. My little baby had a heartbeat and I know they wouldn’t have survived but I’m just devastated and heartbroken. I don’t know how to move forward after this. I’m grieving so many things at once, and I know it’s only been 10 days but I’m struggling to process what happened because my baby had a heartbeat and fear going through IVF again. I have to get blood draw to check my HCG levels on Thursday and not sure how to even walk back into the clinic without breaking down.
Dear Allie,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss. It can be a devastating experience but even more so after everything you have been through and i am so sorry you are having to go through all of this.
Ectopic pregnancy can be a very traumatic experience, from being diagnosed, to undergoing treatment, having concerns about the future and losing our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and it can take up to 3 months to even begin to process these emotions.
We generally say that you should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
We will be here for you for as long as you need. These forums are a safe space for you or we also have email support if you prefer (details below). We will simply be here for you for as long as you need.
Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and recover both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and gentle hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
I took a few weeks off of work but struggling with how to cope and go back. Trying to take it one day at a time. Not sure how much time I should take.
I don’t know how to cope with this type of loss where my baby was still growing with. Heartbeat and alive and having to surgically remove them from my body. This is devastating to me after wanting this child so bad and working so hard to get to this point. It feels cruel and unfair and I keep thinking my child might have had a chance, did I have to remove them before it was dire?
Dear Allie,
This maybe a little difficult to read, so take your time with the information and do keep talking to us on these boards or feel free to access our email or telephone support if needed (details below)
Sadly an ectopic pregnancy is not a viable pregnancy. As the pregnancy is not attached to the uterus, the placenta would not develop properly meaning the baby would not get its nutrients to develop beyond a viable stage.
Whilst the pregnancy is in the early stages of development and the cells are dividing, it gets bigger in size. This then puts pressure against whatever structure it is attached to. This is most commonly the fallopian tube. As the pregnancy develops at the early stages and increases in size, this puts pressure on the fallopian tubes and they can rupture (burst). When this happens, it causes internal bleeding into your abdomen and this can be life threatening.
I know this sounds frightening, but sadly women have lost their lives to ectopic pregnancy, which is why its is treated as a medical emergency and careful observation or treatment is always needed. There is also no evidence that an ectopic pregnancy can be re-implanted from the structure it is attached to back into the womb.
I know this all sounds really upsetting and scary, but I wanted you to know that you had no other choice and that this wasn’t your fault.
Sometimes the emotional impact of what has happened doesn’t surface until we are recovering from all the medical tests, procedures and recovery. It is important that you take the time to recover emotionally as well, so do speak to your doctors about a note to get more time off if needed.
A recent research paper suggested that 30% of people who experience ectopic pregnancy go on to to develop Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) symptoms. We know how hard it is to recover emotionally, so please protect your heart in anyway you need too and take additional time off if needed. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
As always, we will be here for you for as long as you need,
Much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
This is very helpful insight, thank you. I mentally understand all you are saying but my brain is still addressing the what ifs and why. I think when I’ve had time to process I can look back at all you’ve said and that’s really going to help me be able to move forward from all this.
It’s giving me peace of mind to know it’s ok to feel what I’m feeling and to understand the trauma goes just beyond losing a baby. I think I need assess the amount of time I need, just so hard to know how much time so I know what to tell my work. I’m just taking it day by day.