Hi there, I’m new to all of this so hope I’m doing this right! I had an ectopic and my right tube removed on the 10th of December so all still very raw. My husband and I had been ttc for 2years after an early mc in Dec 15 so the pregnancy was planned and our baby was so so wanted. We are blessed to already have a beautiful healthy 3year old girl but my heart aches for a sibling for her. We had told a few close friends when we found out we were expecting and one of our friends then told us they were pregnant too and there was only 1week between our due dates. I has all the normal pregnancy symptoms this time, tender breasts, slight nausea, tired etc so I really thought this was our time. At 8weeks to the day I started to pass a light brown discharge. This then turned to dark blood spotting when I wiped. I had no cramps or pain whatsoever. I phoned the weekend Doctor on call. They told me to monitor the bleeding and go to the maternity hospital if it got heavier. Bleeding stayed got heavier after a few days so I went to the maternity hospital where I waited 7hours to be seen. The doctor examined me (enternal) and then told me she wouldn’t be scanning me as there was no sonographer there. I had a scheduled early scan for 5days later. By the time my scan came around I was bleeding heavier but no no pain or cramping. I thought I was miscarring again so when the sonographer told me it was an ectopic it totally blew me away! Before I knew it I was on a hospital bed waiting to be taken to surgery. Initially they though it was on my ovary but when they done the surgery it was on my right tube which had to be removed. I was now not only grieving the loss of my baby but part of my reproductive system aswell! So while I’m trying to get my head around our loss and not knowing what the future now holds for us having a another baby I have had 2 close friends announce their health pregnancies and at least 5 more in the village I live in and they are all due around the time I would have been due my little bundle. The hurt, the heartbreak, the anger. I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore only that I feel like I’m being punished and tortured!
Dear Brid,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
Generally, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.
As a gentle reminder regarding conceiving again, we and many medical professionals advise waiting for two menstrual cycles. It is important to allow time for your body to recover and emotions to surface and be worked through. This is so that you have some comfort that your body is returning to its natural rhythm and you have a last menstrual period date from which to date a new pregnancy - key information in checking you are not suffering from an ectopic pregnancy in the future. The first bleed soon after surgery for ectopic pregnancy is not classed as a period as it is the body’s response to falling hormone levels.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
Dear Brid
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.
I suffered an ectopic in July 2017 and I lost my left fallopian tube. It has been one of the hardest things I have had to deal with.
I know how you feel when there are pregnancy announcements. My sister has recently just announced she is pregnant and I am finding it so hard.
Your feelings are completely normal and you will go through so many different emotions be kind to yourself you have been through a massive ordeal.
Sending hugs
Amy
Thank you so much for your kind words. This is by far the toughest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. I feel that when I am just starting to pick myself back up and being knocked right back down with another pregnancy announcement! None of my friends have experienced a pregnancy loss and fall pregnant without thinking about it. Whilst I was in hospital going through my ordeal they were all great, sending lovely comforting messages and asking if there was anything they could do. They each called to see me ONCE since and I havnt had as much as a phone call or text message to ask me how I am after that. Yet they can come and announce their good news to me, I can ask them how they are feeling and congratulate them (all my my heart is breaking) but they can’t even bring themselves to ask how I’m feeling? They must know that this is an extremely hard time for me and my husband, trying to process what we have been through and now have everyone in our circle due babies the same time we would have been due! As ye can see I’m angry today, angry and bitter beyond words! I would like to think that if the tables were turned I would be a bit more compassionate and comforting to my friends!
Sorry I’m a little late to this but wanted to say I understand Brid.
I had my ectopic & tube removal in November. I also discovered (at that time) that I have severe Endometriosis.
In some ways the Endo has been a good cover story as no one knew we were trying. So the majority of people have been told only that part, with family and a couple of close friends being told the full story.
I have friends I used to see every week who know I have Endo/ had surgery. They haven’t seen me at all since then.
And worse the two friends I told the full story to I haven’t seen since telling them nor have they messaged to ask how I am. Not once.
I feel very bitter about it all and find myself losing interest in friends at all.
Thank goodness for my family.
My SIL miscarried the month before my Ectopic & we’ve grown closer and supported each other.
Re the announcements thing - we are both hopeful for each other that things will work out next time but have both admitted how hard it will be if one of us succeeds and the other doesn’t. I’m scared I don’t want our relationship ruined if that happens…
Thank you Amy and loopy9 for your lovely comforting words x
Loopy9
Our stories are pretty similar as my SIL has also been through a recent miscarriage and has been a great listening ear for me. She has recently gone to a fertility clinic for some tests as she is almost 40 so panicking about her age. All tests results came back good so I’m pretty sure she’ll have happy news soon as she normally falls pregnant pretty fast. It again will be a pang in the heart for me but I will be happy for them as they have had their fair share of heartache too.
I got my follow up appointment from my consultant today for next week in her fertility clinic. She is going to check my remaining tube and do some further fertility tests to see what’s going on (if there is something going on) and also a semen analysis from my husband. I’m terrified of what kind of news we will get next week :roll:
As for my ‘friends’ I still havnt been contacted. It really makes u question your friendships doesn’t it? I must say though that I have great friends in my workplace and not a week goes by when they don’t ask me how I am so I vent alot to them.
As the weeks go by I’m slowly but surely feeling better in myself but still have bad days aswell. Time is a healer they say so hopefully some day we’ll begin to feel ‘normal’ again. Until then I’m always here for a chat or a vent if ye ever need it x
Thank u all so much again for the support
Bríd
Hello All,
Sorry if I have not posted this properly! New to the site.
I have just come out of surgery for an ectopic pregnancy (right tube removed). They also told me I had stage 3 endo.
I’ve seen that there are a lot of others going through the same same pain and difficulties. How is everyone doing? I’m so terrified I won’t be able to get pregnant and I also received the news that a good friend is pregnant the day after surgery. Any tips and advice on what to do/how to cope would be greatly appreciated. I hope everyone is ok xxx
Dear LCDO,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, it is a very difficult time and you have friends here who understand.
You may find you get more response posting this on the main board, but I completely understand how you feel.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies, but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years. With regards to your endometriosis, I would advise talking to your GP or asking to be referred to a fertility specialist to discuss and specific needs for you.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.