I am hoping this is the best place for my post. I am 3 weeks post surgery for a ruptured ectopic, very much a planned and wanted pregnancy, and would have been a sibling for our 2 year old.
In the initial week or two following my surgery (which was terrifying, as I’m sure many of you understand) I was very much focussed and driven by just healing and getting well again, but now that I am feeling much better I am struggling with the grief of the loss. I know that I am lucky to have a happy, healthy child and I just feel even more awful that I don’t feel happier or more positive because of this. I guess all I wanted to ask is does this fog clear?
I am so sorry to hear that you’ve suffered this ectopic pregnancy and loss. My heart goes out to you and I know what you mean about the physical healing happening faster than the emotional. Each of us experiences recovery in different ways and at different times. There isn’t a set pathway or a particular timeframe. It’s one of the reasons we often encourage women to really take things slowly and be very kind and gentle to themselves after ectopic pregnancies. As you’ve seen these Boards of filled with women and men who are bound by this unfortunate experience.
What I can say is that in the day-to-day of life, over time the things become a bit more routine. The emotions are never fully forgotten, but they do fade. I had some success through journalling, especially as emotions would come to me in waves and in regards to different parts of the experience.
However, the Trust also recommends “talking therapies” as a way to help in recovery as well. You can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
From the bottom of my heart, please be kind to yourself through your recovery. We are here for you whenever you need.
With warm wishes,
Michele
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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
Thank you so much for your reply, as unfortunate as it is, reading that I am not the only one going through this has been a great help. I am sorry for your loss too, also, thank you for your suggestions.
I’m in a similar situation although my surgery was only 10 days ago. My little boy is 3 years old. I feel very low at times and others I feel happy knowing I have my little boy. I feel very confused and an emotional mess at the moment. Its hard recovering while having a little one running around too. When did you feel phyically able to do more? Im pottering around the house but still very tired most of the time. x
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
I realise my reply is coming a lot later than you posted. I hope that your recovery is going well and sorry that you have suffered such loss.
It took me a long time to get back to ‘normal’ physically. My surgery was in April, I am a stay at home mum so lucky in the respect that I didn’t have a job to get back to, but my partner was still taking on a lot of my normal day to day jobs for a number of months after. A deep tissue infection following my surgery also meant my mum had to stay with me to look after my daughter while I recovered from that. Toddlers are hard work! It wasn’t until September that I felt up to doing exercise again. I think continuing to be kind to yourself even if you feel up to it is good advice, as over doing it means you end up feeling rubbish the next day. Some days my emotions are still very up and down. I like to think there are more good days than bad days, though December was particularly hard as it marked what would have been my due date.
I’m having a hard time too. I’m a week out. I already have been blessed with 4 children. They all desperately want a sister. We’re all really sad. I’m finding a lot of feelings I did not expect to have are popping up.