Counselling following an Ectopic Pregnancy

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Hi all,

Firstly I wanted to say how grateful I am to have found these forums, I have spent the last few hours reading through threads and have taken comfort from all of the brave posts and comments.

I am 10 days on from emergency surgery to remove a ruptured left Fallopian tube. My husband and I were so very excited to be 8 weeks along in our much awaited first pregnancy. We had been trying to conceive for 3 years and were due to start IVF proceedings when I found out I was miraculously pregnant naturally.

Like so many others we were ecstatic but very cautious about our news and vowed to keep it a secret until our 12 week scan. We were so excited though that we had booked in a private scan at 8 weeks to check this was a viable pregnancy. The night before our scan I came home from work and experienced excruciating pain in my lower abdomen alongside shoulder tip pain, dizziness, nausea and fever. We went straight to emergency out of hours GP and from their I was rushed to hospital in ambulance as I blacked out and was very unstable. Once we reached hospital they carried out blood tests and a scan which confirmed an ectopic pregnancy. I can so clearly remember the heartbreak of hearing that the uterus was empty but I was in so much pain I couldn’t even cry. My surgery was an emergency and I was very quickly taken to theatre where they found 3 litres of blood in my uterus. I lost a further 2 litres of blood during surgery and have had to have 4 blood transfusions since.

I am now home and being so well looked after by my incredibly caring and wonderful husband. Now that the physical wounds are beginning to heal we are struggling more and more with the emotional loss and heartbreak.

We are both feeling lost, desperate, angry, jealous and totally broken. We cannot cope with the thought of waiting to fall naturally again after such a long, emotional journey up to this point. We can begin the IVF route again but all just seems so far off and too much to bear.

I really believe we could benefit from some kind of counselling, together or individually. Has anyone had experience of using any counselling or support following an ectopic pregnancy? If so, who?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

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Hi

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my left tube 18 months ago in similar circumstances, although i went for a scan to confirm a miscarriage (had already had one mmc) and was in surgery within 45 minutes. In retrospect I should have taken more time off than I did. I am truly fortunate to have a daughter I conceived 6 years ago before I started having these issues. Because of trying to keep things normal for her I buried my feeling. I didn’t have counselling at the time but wish I had as i never properly grieved. I’ve had some counselling recently and this issue has come up.

It was only October just give (over a year since my eptopic and two year from my miscarriage) that I began to grieve properly. October is baby lisa awareness week and a local church has a service of loss when you could light candles and gang message on a tree. This really helped me.

Some large or public sector employers have a staff support service that you can access counselling from quickly. Might be worth looking in to and seeing if your work offers something similar. Take care, take things gentle and don’t expect too much of yourself . Kt

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Dear HannahD18,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

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Wow!

We have been through practically the same experience. It’s nothing to rejoice over but just the mere fact that we got through the ectopic pregnancy surgery is amazing. Now it’s time to recover and regain our physical and mental strength.

It’s not easy at all. I went through emergeny surgery Feb 1st and also was transfused. They also had to remove my right Fallopian tube. It was all so invasive and petrifying. There’s days where my body just feels so strange. Currently feeling unsettled stomach and constipation, and back pain here and there.

How have you been feeling post operation?

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Hi Gypsy_mermaid19,

It’s good to know there are others out there who have been through the same ordeal isn’t it? Makes it feel less lonely.

I am doing okay, physically healing well despite having a huge haemotomia which caused lots of black and bruising on my stomach from the surgery site. Pushing myself to try and do more despite feeling that I want to stay I bed most days, doesn’t feel like much worth getting up for at the moment. Just so unbelievably sad and cannot believe our bad luck, feels like we have been punished for something.

I have been told not to go back to work until 6 weeks as my bloods are still low which is just making the days seem so long and boring. I am a teacher so used to a full on hectic day but my body is no far away from being ready for that and my emotions too.

Have been supported amazingly by my husband, family and friends but people cannot understand my feelings at all. I don’t blame them, I am struggling to process not only the loss but the dangerous and life threatening situation I was in.

I hope you are recovering well?

Hannah x