In July I was lucky enough to discover a very early eptopic (pregnancy in an unknown location), I say lucky because it sounds awful what some have gone through and also painful. We had been trying for around 1.5 years and I’m the other side of 35. After the many trips back and forth to the hospital and a dose of methotrexate, I was discharged in September.
The reason I’m confused is because I’ve been unsure how I feel about trying again in December. We haven’t had sex since July and my husband is scared to use protection because of the risk of falling pregnant before the 3 month break since having the injection. We were using condoms for years before trying but now it’s a concern that the 1% risk of it splitting will happen to us when we don’t want it to.
The time will come when we can have unprotected sex again (if I can remember how!!) and that will come in December.
I’m not sure how I feel about it…
I feel bad for not being desperate for a baby (I was before) and my mindset seems different. I need to sort myself out before the time comes to try again. Anyone out there who feels or has felt this way?
I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered an ectopic pregnancy and loss. Every loss is unique and causes us both physical and emotional recovery. It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly, early scans are available. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self-referring route is the best route in our view. Hopefully, you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
I found that journaling was a way to help me sort through some of the feelings I had following my ectopics. Once on paper, I was able to reflect on my feelings and eventually share them with my partner. It wasn’t always easy, but it helped me to accept that my mindset had shifted and I had more anxiety around the whole idea of pregnancy. Being able to be honest about these changes helped me over time. The trust also encourages “talking therapies” and you may be able to receive a referral from your GP to speak to someone or the charity, Mind, has references for therapists who would be able to listen to you.
As always, we are here for you whenever you need and for as long as you wish.
With good wishes,
Michele
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Hope you’re doing ok. My ectopic was in Feb and treated by methotrexate. We only started trying again this month, its taken both of us a long time to get over the trauma and figure out even IF we could try again. I agree with Michelle that journaling helped but I’ve also been seeing a counsellor which has helped enormously. She’s helped to clear my head, find the tools I need to plan for the future (whatever that looks like), look at all our options and build my resilience. I have no idea what the future holds but I feel ready. Well, as ready as I can be. It took me much longer than I thought to be ready and I know everyone is different but I’d just say be kind to yourself, don’t rush (and believe me, I am so impatient and really had to work at this!) Open communication was also key for me and my husband, no matter how hard it was, we just kept talking BUT also gave ourselves time when we WOULDN’T talk about it and just try to have a nice time together. It’s not easy for sure but we are stronger than we know. Good luck with it all x