Anger and Resentment

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Hi, I don’t really know what I’m looking for here but I don’t know where else to turn. I had an ectopic pregnancy which ended up with emergency surgery last week. I called my husband and asked him to come home from work as I was in agony and the EPU told me to head straight in. We had our son with us and thought they would tell me it was a miscarriage so they went for food and waited in the car.

An hour later scan confirmed baby was ectopic and I’d be having surgery within the next few hours. They called my husband to tell him and he rung me back. He took Mt son home waited for him to be asleep and then asked my mum to watch him. Basically by the time he eventually got to the hospital I was in surgery.

I went through it all alone. I’d never had surgery, I was basically being read my rights signing consent forms speaking to surgeon, anethysist. I was in shock and I just wanted to kiss my baby goodnight. I couldnt have my mum there because she was waiting for him to get my son to sleep.

Since then I cannot stand him. He’s not done much since I’ve come home he is still working 50+ hours per week, he will do anything for our son. He is a brilliant father but I think he thinks that working hard and being a good dad makes him a good husband.

There have been a few things prior to this, but due to the significance of this past week I just can’t see a future with him now. We’ve been together for 17 years (I was 15 years old).

Has anyone else been through similar thoughts/feelings. Does anyone have any advise.

Sorry for the long post.

TIA xxx

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Dear Rhibbz,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy too. From your own words I can only imagine what a frightening experience this must have been, especially on your own, and I am so sorry you have had to to through this.

We hear from many people who struggle with reactions from their partners. It may be a lack.if understanding about everything you went through as he wasn’t there with you or just not understanding how serious an ectopic pregnancy can be. My husband didn’t even think about the loss of our baby as to him, It was too early to be a baby, which really upset me. I would suggested speaking openly to your partner about how you are feeling and your needs. We have a dedicated Mens Space page on the forums and this posts are often helpful for men to read and gain some perspective about what you have been through.

You sound as if you have had thoughts about your relationship above it being affected by the ectopic pregnancy. We would advise talking through your emotions and if this is something you feel you would need some guidance with, the charity Relate maybe able to help.

https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help?them … ch=&page=2

You have been through a huge ordeal in such a short space of time. Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x