Almost two years EP rupture

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I haven’t been on here in a while, felt I was coping really well. (By that I mean getting through my day with the help of some anxiety medication)

Monday 24th April will be two years since I had emergency surgery following ruptured Fallopian tube which resulted in removal and a few units of blood thrown my way for good measure! Last year I was ok, I was reflecting positively that I was still alive. This year I have been having flashbacks physical body pain, the dreaded impending doom wake up calls in the middle of the night thinking I’m dead or about to die.

I can talk to my husband, he’s very supportive but no one gets it, no one understands this absolute weight your body has when you think the worst is going to happen again - I’m not pregnant so I know my thoughts are irrational but it’s almost like the anniversary is coming up not only of my pregnancy loss but the anniversary of survival, that whole day replays in my head as if I’m there again. I have had all the mental help I can get, seen a counsellor even a psychiatrist ! Does anyone else get such vivid flashbacks? Will this go away in time?

I’m going out for a family meal today. I already can feel myself struggling with the thought of sitting around everyone, it’s as if I feel trapped and I can’t get out. Small talk on days like this is hard, I become awkward or very short so people think I’m being rude - they aren’t the bunch of people I can say look I’m struggling today with Monday coming up, so I plan on just sitting with my daughter and the pair of us can just chat together while the rest of the family interact.

I just wish there was away for others to understand that yes it was two years ago but it feels as if it was yesterday. It’s not just the pregnancy I wish I never lost, it’s the part of me that went that day too.

I don’t even know if this post was a real question asking post or more just a free space to get these thoughts down, somewhere that people understand. :purple_heart::purple_heart:

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Dear Clair,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss.

I too was still struggling years after my ectopic and I think anniversaries can certainly be a compounding factor in worsening mental health. I know it may not feel like it now, but it does get easier. This year will be The 13th anniversary of my ectopic pregnancy and although I still feel sad around the time, thinking about what might have been, I no longer have that sense of absolute dread or impeding doom.

You mention that you have had counselling however the symptoms you describe it flashbacks, physical pain and impending room sound like you may possibly be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) and this requires a very specific type of counselling. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, 1 in 6 women can experience post traumatic stress and people can relive events through nightmares, flashbacks or intrusive thoughts, and can impact work and relationships with family and friends.

Whilst we are here for you for as long as you need and we can exchange emails and even offer calls (please see information below), please do speak to your current counsellors about any additional help they can offer at this difficult time.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Hi Karen,

Thank you for your reply and reassuring words.

At the time of the support I was told it was too soon to diagnose/ suggest it was PTS I was having as it hadn’t been a year since the event. Doesn’t quite make sense to me as I have suffered with these flashbacks, and triggers on and off since. I certainly will get back in touch with them and see what help I can get. Last night was tough, I just kept reassuring myself I was safe and tried the breathing techniques I was given at the very start, eventually I fell asleep.

I have used the chat service before which was helpful, I am forever grateful to the charity, and do my best to raise awareness and encourage people to reach out or at least look at the website following an EP.

Take care,

Clair x

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Hi, I know it’s been a little while since you posted this, but I wanted to say that I’m so sorry, this is so difficult and so unfair when you’ve already been through so much.

It’s been nearly five years since my first ectopic/rupture and four since my second ectopic which was it’s own kind of trauma. What you describe is eerily familiar and I still get the two in the morning ‘twinge and utter terror’, although the episodes are getting increasingly rare now since we’ve stopped trying to have children. I went through three rounds of mental health help (some better than others- the first didn’t even mention PTS despite the flashback, panic attacks etc), but it’s still lurking there if I get gynae pain or my period is late.

My partner is sympathetic but doesn’t really understand and at this point my friends and family seem to think I should be over it. There is a particular brand of fear when your body so comprehensively betrays you. We’re not cowards, hysterical or over sensitive. We have every reason to feel this way, and you’re not alone: I too feel like an important part of me was lost that day along with the pregnancy and fallopian tube. It was a horrendous life event and it makes sense – even if it’s utterly unfair – that we’re not quite the same afterwards.

Oddly, I’ve found the only two people beyond this forum who actually seem to understand are in remission from cancer. Your coping strategy is similar to mine on bad days, I don’t know if it’s healthy but it’s the only thing that works! I let my partner know it’s bad and he covers for me at family things or I ruthlessly ignore them all together. Give yourself permission, you deserve it. Sometimes you have to look after yourself. x