A few thoughts

Poems, Prose, and Words of Remembrance
1

I posted this on the main board a while back… Figured it should go in the poems bit…

Noone could tell me exactly how far on in my pregnancy I was at the time of the ectopic, but if my dates were right, my baby would have been born this month. :cry: Feels weird writing “my baby”… Still don’t feel I can acknowledge that I would have become a mum…

Anyway, here’s my jumble of words written earlier this year… Still makes me sad :pensive:

Warm hugs to everyone xxxxxx

I’m a worrier by nature

Worryings what I do

The thoughts spin round inside my head

I sometimes feel unglued

The past few months have really sucked

I’ve felt a little weird

I’ve had very little upset,

Not felt as I had feared.

I thought I’d be quite teary,

And cry at everything,

Seeing all the babies clothes and what feelings that might bring,

Seeing pregnant mummy tums

And looking on with woe,

Hearing gurgling babies, parents whispering to them real low,

Children playing in the park and toddlers toddling round

Squeals of their enjoyment at the wonders that they’ve found

Mums to be are everywhere

I spot them more and more

I envy them a little bit

But not down to my core

I haven’t really felt that bad,

I guess a little numb

I worry that I’m holding back

That the sadness soon will come

I worry that I’ll never have what those women soon will know

Maybe I want this more than I will ever actually show.

To have the first excitement after peeing on a stick,

To be told congratulations, now you’ll likely be quite sick

To getting to the eight week scan and seeing on the screen,

Our little speck of happiness, our gorgeous baby bean,

To hear our baby’s heartbeat

And to feel them move inside

To know that they are safe in there and are ready for the ride

Getting bigger every day and prepping things at home

Sorting out a nursery for my mini me, my clone,

Nine months go so quickly

And they’ll soon be on the way

Packing for the hospital, it could be any day,

To have them place you in my arms as soon as you are born,

I’m sure that I’ll forget the days when I was so folorn,

The day they said "I’m sorry

This isn’t going well,

Your pregnancy’s ectopic

I’m sad to have to tell"

The shock of all that happened on that November 7th day

The day they put me under and took my tube away

I haven’t fully managed to recover from all that

But it’s only now I write it down I realise I feel quite flat

Despondent is another word to describe what’s going on

Although I know I’m not alone, I’m not the only one,

I’m hoping that I’ll find some peace

from writing this all down

I didn’t know how much I hurt -

I don’t always have a frown

I must remember that it’s OK

To feel the way I feel

Happy, sad and in between

All of them are real.

2

Hi Honeydrop9,

Thank you for sharing your words and feelings with us. We are united in experiencing the trauma and loss of ectopic pregnancies. I know how hard and how lingering these feelings can be. It is so natural to grieve for what might have been, and seeing other babies is a stark reminder of what we have lost. Journaling and writing was a key piece in my recovery, but the Trust also recommends talking therapies as an important tool for our healing.

If you are interested in exploring counselling, we suggest that you ask for a referral by your GP or use a practitioner who has undertaken recognised training and is registered with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy. It is also a good idea to look for someone who has an interest in the area of women’s health or fertility problems. The charity MIND also can provide counselling with trained practitioners locally at affordable prices. Counselling charges are means-tested (you pay what you can afford) and so you may receive counselling support for a nominal fee or even for free.

Please know we are with you and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending extra warm hugs and love to you.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

3

Thankyou Michele, the support and guidance on these forums have been of such help and comfort to me, knowing I’m not alone in the way I’m feeling. Thanks to everyone at the Trust and everyone who shares their experiences, it all helps us move along our own little road of recovery, side by side.

C