6 months on

Other Pregnancy and Baby Loss
1

Its been 6 long whole months since i had my ectopic pregnancy i shut myself away from the world i stopped talking to my best friend cos she had 2 unplanned pregnancy i know it wasnt her fault she had 2 perfectly beautiful children & it wasnt her fault i lost my baby but i felt so much anger towards her but i see her for the 1st time in 6months today & i felt so much love for her & her beautiful boys i think im finally starting to get through the pain i mean dont get me wrong it still really hurts when i see pregnant women or women with small babies i just want the world to open up & eat me. I did continue to see my GP cos i became very anxious about leaving my front door i couldnt even take the bins down to the kerb i just felt like people was judging me for a number of reason like “eerrrr look at her she cant even grow a baby inside her without screwing it up”, “shes such a bad mum for wanting another baby she should be greatful for the 2 shes already got” & so on i started to take less & less care of myself i know for some people its nothing but for me it was big i put on 2 stone over 5months & started to cancel GP appointments & just generally letting myself get worse so i could hurry up & die but the GP noticed & sent me to a specialist & i was diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (AKA Borderline personality disorder) & Generalised Anxiety Disorder i was given new medication & it really has helped me im feeling like i can start going back to my normal life start to socialise with other people but my only problem im having now is i REALLY REALLY want to try for another baby but my partner doesnt want to he feels that this was a sign that were not to have anymore & that if we do have another ectopic i might not make it through i do understand what his saying but i just can shake the wanting another baby i want 1 more now then i have ever my eldest daughter really wants me to have another baby she knows what happened we explained it to her cos she wanted to know why i was kept in hospital she was 11 at the time & we thought she was old enough to understand my youngest (6) she didnt know just that i had a bad tummy & had to have an opperation to make it better but she also wants a baby brother they are both so good with other babies & got a lot better with each other but im really torn half or me wants to have another baby but the other half is worried i will have another ectopic pregnancy & i cant go through that heart break again.

Sorry for the long post but thank you for always being here for me when i need to talk & not feel like im being judged or people feeling sorry for me

2

Dear Iccle_Princess,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

I too struggled emotionally following my ectopic pregnancy and it took me 2years to recognise that I wasn’t recovering well.

Well done for being brave and seeking advice from your GP. It is good to see you have now got the help you deserve and you are starting to feel better in yourself.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

Regarding ttc, the chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. How we cope however is very individual. I would advise keeping an open dialogue with your partner. Take time to listen to each others needs, fears and concerns and see if you can find some common ground to start the conversation.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your next pregnancy board you can look at too when you feel ready. If you repost this post on that board or on the main board (our busiest board) you may find more women who can relate to how you are feeling. It may also help other women who are struggling emotionally feel less alone and isolated, knowing others have the same emotions following ectopic pregnancy and the loss of their babies.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

3

Thank you for your reply & help yes i would love to repost this if in anyway it can help someone i would be so happy this forum has really helped me as i dont know anyone else who has been through this