Hi I had ectopic surgery just over 5 weeks ago to remove a live ruptured pregnancy. During the surgery they removed my left fallopian tube. I’ve found it hard but today has been the first day that I’ve felt more like myself and have managed to go a nice long walk and it was good.
However tonight I got a txt from my best friend to say that she was pregnant and is due in July. I could see that she was worried about telling me and I am really happy for her, but I’m in pieces not only is she pregnant but she is due the same time I was meant to be due. I’m feeling really sorry for myself and I don’t know what to do, I’m supposed to meet her for a coffee this week and I’ve said I’d still go, I really don’t want to let her down and I don’t want to be weird round her, I knew this would happen, just not my best friend or at the exact same time. I wish I knew what to do next, I want to get over this, but I feel like this has pushed me back abit and it’s no one’s fault.
Sorry for rambling I just want to get it off my chest xx
I am SO sorry for your loss, of your baby and for your tube. It’s such an adjustment, I’m glad you’re starting to feel a little more like yourself.
It’s so hard! SO hard. My friend text me she was pregnant the day I was lying in hospital being told it was ectopic and she’s due a month before I was due. Yesterday I received a text from her sister organising her baby shower in April and I feel bad because part of me wants them to organise it for the day I have a wedding to go to. My friend isn’t putting anything pregnancy related in our group chat, which I’m happy for but I feel so guilty, it’s been almost 8 weeks since she told me and I haven’t seen her… but we’re due to see each other Sunday (so long as my cyst pain goes and I’m off cocodamol as I can’t drive).
The ONLY thing that I think will help is the hope that by the time her baby is born, I will be successfully pregnant with a healthy baby in the right place. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to get pregnant again but I feel my clock is ticking as I’m 31 so if I don’t get pregnant now, I won’t have a baby until I’m 33 (because I’m getting married next June) so HOPEFULLY by the time my friends baby arrives in June, I’ll be a good few weeks in and I would have had an early scan to see my baby in the right location, with their heart beating away
I don’t have any advice for you I’m afraid! But know you’re not alone and I’m always here for a chat! Sending love xxxx
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families, you are not alone. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.I
You mention she is your best friend so I would suggest being open and honest with her and if you are not quite ready to be in her company just yet, just say how happy you are for her but you are dealing with your own grief which is incredibly difficult and you would love to see her when you are ready. Perhaps have some telephone calls first to test the water over what it is like speaking to her before you see her.
Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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Hi everyone ! I never thought I’d feel this way about other pregnant women, but my sister in law and brother in law are visiting next week from Cyprus, they have twins who are 9 months old and she’s also around 25 weeks pregnant. She suffered a few miscarriages when trying before the twins so she totally gets how I feel and has been there for me (over text/phone obv) as they live in Cyprus but the fact that next week I’m going to have to be around here, and everyone including my MiL who can be really insensitive sometimes are all going to be going on about the baby etc, I’m just totally dreading it ! Thankfully they’re coming through the week when my husband will be at work and me at uni and stuff so we won’t need to spend a great deal of time with them but still, I’m just not looking forward to it at all! The only thing my MiL has said to me since being discharged is “ how long till you can try again” like she just doesn’t get it at all and isn’t very comforting. She was talking of making my daughter and my sis in laws daughter a charm bracelet and she said to me “I’ll get her big sister but grandaughter but I’ll just get Sophia granddaughter charms” (Sophia is my daughter) I was like yeah ok thanks I totally get how your all feeling in regards to this it’s definitely a hard one ! I hope we all have the strength to get through this and be blessed with baby’s xxxx
This week sounds TOUGH but you GOT this! I don’t have much advice as I am avoiding babies. But here if you need a break from it all. Don’t feel bad creating space and putting barriers up, your sister will understand and the twins won’t remember when they’re older.
Your MIL is very insensitive, I assumed she’s never been through anything like this…. I’d be creating space there too or talking to her about her hurtful words.
Hey! Thank you, your right she hasn’t ever been through anything like this, and has 5 boys so I don’t think she really knows how to deal with these kind of situations, think it can be quite awkward for her ! Just wish she’d be a little more sensitive & think before speaking! They’re due up tomorrow till Friday I’ve said we will go round one night and have dinner with them and maybe take the kids to soft play one day but that’s all I’m pushing myself to do as I think it’s going to be hard to be around someone so pregnant and obv my mil will be excited and just speaking about it !
I’m back to uni this week too so hella busy and have my mental health nurse app this Thursday thank god ! Hope your keeping okay xxxx
An ex co worker has just announced her pregnancy, her due date is a week before my due date would have been, then another co workers announced her second pregnancy. It is hard. But got to try and be positive I guess.
I totally get how your all feeling in regards to this it’s definitely a hard one ! I hope we all have the strength to get through this and be blessed with baby’s 