2nd Ectopic & Feeling Weird

keren2001 · 23 February 2025 00:28

Hey everyone,

So I’m 32 years old and have just had my second ectopic pregnancy. I had my first one 2 years ago.

So I found out I was pregnant around 2 weeks ago after being very sore and unwell. I have endometriosis which was discovered after my first ectopic pregnancy so I thought I was having a particularly bad flare up as I was experiencing a lot of pain in my left side. I should mention that I previously had an ectopic pregnancy that was managed with methotrexate but the first time round I had no symptoms at all and they realised I was having an ectopic due to my hormone levels not rising properly.

I was in pain for around a week before I took the pregnancy test. I called Early Pregnancy straight away and they got me in for blood tests due to my previous ectopic. I was in for bloods every 48 hours to check my HCG which was rising steadily but my pain was also worsening. After 3 blood tests my HCG was sitting around 1350 so they booked me in for a scan. They couldn’t see a thing both on the ultrasound or the internal scan so asked me to come back in a week for further bloods and a second scan - they thought I was perhaps too early on to see anything and that the pain may well be an endometriosis flare up. 3 days after my scan I woke up in the most horrific pain on my left side and it was not easing up. I called the hospital and they asked me to come straight in. I had bloods taken, an internal exam, an ultrasound and finally an internal scan where the doctor could see blood pooling in my womb. Just as I was getting off the bed after the scan I fainted and started convulsing so was immediately transferred to my own private room where the doctor came in to tell me I would be going for surgery within the hour.

The speed at which everything was moving was crazy. I got to the hospital around 10:30am and was being wheeled down to theatre by 2pm. The staff were fantastic and at no point made me feel worried, concerned and never made me feel like I was being silly or stupid. The consultant removed my left tube as this was the second ectopic to be in that tube so it was obviously damaged. She also checked my right one to be sure it was alright before stitching me back up. She said for it being an emergency surgery that everything went smoothly and they were very happy.

Having had laparoscopic surgery previously for my endometriosis I thought I knew what to expect for recovery but I have been sadly mistaken. I have found my recovery to be so much harder. I only had surgery 6 days ago but I almost feel as if I’m being silly or overreacting as I’m still very sore. I’m still taking my painkillers and listening to my body and resting as much as possible but I honestly thought I’d be feeling much better by now. My sleep has been hugely affected. I feel as though I’m always shattered but also feel as though my sleep isn’t restorative. I’m assuming this is because my body is trying to recover so even when I’m resting it’s still working hard?

I also have this really weird feeling. I don’t know if it’s like some form of PTSD or something but it’s like I keep reliving what’s happened and realising what a scary situation it has been. I keep thinking “omg I could have died” and because it all happened quite fast it feels quite surreal. More than once I’ve found myself thinking “I can’t believe all of this has actually happened to me”. I feel as though people will think I’m trying to milk it (even though nobody has actually said or done anything to make me feel this way). I just wondered if anyone else has experienced these same sorts of feelings? I’m a teacher and I’ve been signed off for 3 weeks but I feel like I might actually need to take longer. I know I still have a good amount of time off for recovery and it’s still early days but honestly I still feel so sore.

It’s weird because I feel like my logic and my emotions are arguing with one another. Logically I understand that I’ve just had major surgery and I need to allow myself an appropriate time to heal and that healing looks different for everyone. But then there’s also that irrational, emotional side of me that keeps thinking people will start to think I’m trying to milk the situation just to get extra time off work if I end up needing to ask for it. I also feel like I could probably do with speaking to a professional but not sure how to go about that. I live in Scotland so Mind doesn’t work up here.

I think basically I’m just looking for some reassurance. I had my first ectopic 2 years ago and feel as though I was just fully starting to get properly back to myself. My body felt normal again and my head was clear and I’m worried I’m going to be back to square one.

Any help and advice would be hugely appreciated! x

EPT_Host_20 · 24 February 2025 20:05

Dear Keren,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy losses and the worrying time you have been through.

Take the time you need and not what you think other people expect you should have. You have had abdominal surgery and lost a baby. Your recovery should not be dictated by other peoples expectations and if you have any one who makes you feel this way, direct them to our website, where they can read about the ordeal you have sadly had to go through.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and its treatment, concerns about the future, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and you are not alone in feeling the way you do.
Ectopic pregnancy can be very traumatic and from your own words, i can imagine what a frightening experience this must have been for you. It can take up to 3 months to even begin to process traumatic events such as these. Please be kind to yourself and allow the time you need to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally.
If you feel you would like additional emotional support, we also offer an email service or telephone call back service (details at the end of this reply). These boards are also a safe space to share or vent. We will simply be here for you, however you wish, for as long as you need.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. We advise that you should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Sending much love and gentle hugs,
Karen x

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Ilanamyers · 26 February 2025 09:17

Hiya, I’ve also just suffered my second ectopic and can relate to everything you’ve described. I had my first ectopic in December 2024 which was treated with surgery. I was allowed 6 weeks off work, after which everyone (GP, occupational health, my boss) said it was time to go back. Physically I was sort of recovered although I still couldn’t sit upright in a chair for long periods, and mentally I felt exhausted and foggy - like the mental recovery was just beginning. I went back to work because I didn’t feel I had any choice, and worked 4 weeks until half term when I took the week off to be with my kids. During that week I realised how awful I was feeling, and how much anxiety I had going back to work because I realised that, even though I was going through the motions day by day, in reality I wasn’t coping very well.

At the end of half term (3 days ago) I was diagnosed with my second ectopic and have had methotrexate this time. I’m dreading how it’s going to be this time - it feels like the sympathy is there for a couple of weeks but then the pressure to ‘bounce back’ or ‘just get on with it’ is enormous. I’m going to try and fight more for what I’m feeling this time around and not feel guilty about advocating for myself and my mental wellbeing. I want to work more on understanding what is affecting me because I think it’s so many things - sadness, guilt, loss, fear, and uncertainty about the future all wrapped up together.

EPT_Host_20 · 26 February 2025 19:52

Dear Ilana,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy losses. Experiencing one loss is difficult, dealing with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you.
Do not feel pressured into going back to work if you are not ready. As described above, you can also discuss ways of making transition back to work easier if your job allows for this.
For.yourself and Keren, we also have information for the workplace on ectopic pregnancy that you could send to. employers so they may have more information and hopefully more understanding on the experiences you have been through
https://ectopic.org.uk/the-workplace

Best wishes,
Karen x