Will this get easier?

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1

Hey all.

It’s taken me a while to want to engage in anything like this, but I feel like it’s time.

My due date would have been this coming Saturday, we’d been trying for 14 months when we found out we’d conceived but it all changed so fast, I ended up in theatre at only 5 weeks pregnant. They removed my right tube and our precious baby; I’ll never get over the trauma I experienced having to receive the bad news on my own, having to agree to the surgery without even getting to talk about it or process it with my husband. I know it was an emergency and nothing could be done to save this tiny forming baby, but there’s always that little bit inside of me that thinks what if, what if they got it wrong, what if they took my tube away and caused a miscarriage because of the trauma to my tube and womb.

We are trying again, we’re almost at 2 years trying now. My friends and colleagues are having babies around me; I’m so happy for them but I just want to be a mum too. When people ask what my dream job is, I tell them it’s to just be a mum, I would trade my job any day just to be a mum.

Loosing a baby is hard, loosing my tube too, I feel like I’m failing myself.

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Hi GLo3011,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for what you have gone through and for suffering this ectopic pregnancy and loss. Your story resonates with feelings I had after my losses and the feelings of grief and not knowing what comes next.

You might find that journaling helps you to put some of your emotions and thoughts on paper. For me, journaling helped me to organize my thoughts, questions, and emotions so that I could share them with my partner and family. It’s natural to feel conflicting emotions when seeing other’s children. Happiness, but also jealousy and disappointment as we think of what might have been. We must grieve for the future we thought we would have by now, while knowing that it still remains possible.

These boards are filled with women and men who can relate to your post. The trauma of ectopic pregnancy is something that no one should have to suffer. For many of us, it was a complete surprise that it could even happen or then, what was happening when it did.

Please know that we are here for you, as long as you need and whenever you need.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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Further information is available on our website.

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Hi

I’m sorry to hear about your experience, going through it alone must have been so hard.

I had felt a bit better finally around 7-8 months after my ectopic but then I got pretty sad again around my due date and I also felt quite annoyed and angry! Definitely it came in waves as most of the time I was fine and sometimes I was really unhappy! I also didn’t have the same motivation as I had had beforehand. I had to skip out from a couple of baby events for others because I was too enraged! For close friends it was okay but acquaintances, no.

I ended up seeing a psychologist which helped. We didn’t do any particular therapy, it was mostly venting and talking things over. I’m feeling mostly better now but I did get pregnant (non-ectopic) again so I guess it’s easy for me to say that and I know not everyone gets pregnant again, or with a non-ectopic pregnancy, or within their ideal timeframe, so I was trying not to rely on that to be happy, especially as I would also see downsides to having children and feel confused.

Most things get easier with time though, although I don’t think we will ever forget those pregnancies, but that’s okay.