Will the pain ever get better?!

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I had surgery for my ruptured ectopic October 29th 2020 after ttc 18 months, it was misdiagnosed 4x even had an ultrasound in the ER at 7weeks doctor showed me my baby and said everything was great and showed me the heartbeat (my tube had already ruptured at this point) but I knew something was wrong and no one would listen to me, finally I got them to give me another ultrasound two days later and that’s when it was confirmed and by that point I had already been internally bleeding for 5 days I had to hear the news and go through surgery alone due to covid and stayed 24hrs due to complications. Doctors said I was lucky I came in when I did because I had lost so much blood and wouldn’t of survived much longer…

Well today was my due date and my precious peanut should be turning one. Does it ever get easier?! I still cry every day, and today I could barely get out of bed just thinking about what happened and what should of been and everything I’m missing… I feel like my heart shattered into a million pieces and ill never be okay again. Everyone seems to have moved on and forgotten which I’m sure is normal but I just can’t, i have no one to talk to who understands and when I try even though they mean well I just get the “everything happens for a reason” or “It wasn’t meant to be” “you can try again and you’ll have another baby” (but I just wanted that one) I just don’t know how much longer I can do this… someone please tell me how to deal and move on, and that it gets easier at some point…

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Dear Diask,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Thank you for being brave and opening up about your experience and feelings.

Specific dates such as anniversaries or due dates can bring back the trauma of our experiences and it can feel very overwhelming for some women. I had my ectopic pregnancy 11 years ago and I still feel emotional around these dates, although over time The impact has lessened.

I too suffered in silence for many years following my ectopic pregnancy. Like you I contacted the Trust, who suggested that whilst my feelings were normal, if the bad days started to outweigh the good to seek further support. I had counselling where I learnt that although I will never forget my experience or my baby, I can learn to live with what happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t my fault. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening, please be kind to yourself.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We are more than happy to talk with you on the email or telephone you and answer any questions you may have or simply listen about your experience. In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counseling. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/.

Above all, be kind to yourself at this difficult time and allow the space you need to grieve and to heal emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team