Struggling mentally!

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So I have never done anything like this before but feel comforted by so many people sharing their experiences and feelings, I thoI have ught I would give it a go to see if it helps.

I have been with my husband 9 years and married for 4 years and I have a daughter from a previous relationship and a son with my husband.

Three weeks ago I was having some serious lower stomach pain on the right hand side. With some bleeding but not a lot. So I went to the urgent care centre and they referred me to the EPAC team who had me in for an ultrasound the next day following that I was asked for bloods etc. I was then told that it was a suspected eptopic and that I would need surgery the following morning!! So on Thursday the 15th of July I had the surgery to remove the pregnancy and the tube…

I am now three weeks on and although I am improving physically really well. Sadly the same can’t be said for my mental health… I feel guilty (as this baby hadn’t been planned and I had said to my husband that the timing wasn’t good), I feel so sad I just want my baby back. I feel shit that it was my body that did this, hating my body right now. And then there is the guilt about being a burden on my husband the last couple of weeks…

I was wondering how other people got over this if they have or any suggestions to help me get my head around it all.

Thank you

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Dear Purple,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

The guilt you mention is such a common feeling after ectopic pregnancy and I am so sorry you are going through this. I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault. Please be kind to yourself, sending gentle hugs,

Karen x

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