Late periods & acute anxiety years after ectopic

Looking for some advice from anyone who still experiences acute anxiety when their period is late, years after their ectopic pregnancy. Concerned this will just get worse as I approach perimenopause.

I’ve had two ectopics: the first, nearly six years ago was a rupture when I ended up in an ambulance and had emergency surgery, the second was picked up early and treated with methotrexate but took nearly half a year to resolve (which was almost worse).

After that I had couple of miscarriages, years of trying with no pregnancies and no longer eligible for ‘viable’ IVF. We’re now looking at a life without children. Although I am still grieving, things are better in this respect and I am beginning to accept my new future and build around the grief.

What is not getting better is the anxiety and depression I experience whenever my regular periods are late. Despite the chances of me being pregnant is almost nil I find myself spending a fortune on pregnancy tests and bracing myself for disaster (my first ectopic destroyed any hope or joy at the prospect of a positive result). The problem is that now I am older, peri menopause is on its way, and this is going to become more of a frequent phenomenon.

The first ectopic was a very early rupture and I had only discovered I was pregnant four days before the ambulance had to be called. I’ve been lucky enough to get some mental health support over the years, which has been hit and miss and not very specialist.When it comes to this aspect they can’t seem to help and seem to think it will settle down as the raw grief has done.

Only, it hasn’t.

I’m not a full week late and a bit of a mess again. Has anyone else experienced this and what helped you to cope when your periods became less predictable as you got older? Thank you.

Dear Maz,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancies and losses. To experience one loss is difficult, dealing with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

From reading your words, I wonder if you are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), symptoms from your first emergency ectopic pregnancy.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety, flashbacks, negative thoughts about the experience, sleeping problems, difficulty concentrating and these may focus around an event or regular life events.

I know you mention that you have had mental health support, but I wonder how specialised this has been. I would suggest talking to your GP or medical practitioner and seeing if they can refer you for more specialist support, if this is something you feel you could do.

We of course, will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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You need the help of a good therapist, and as soon as possible. Otherwise you will drive yourself into a corner and it will be more difficult to recover later. I sympathise with you and believe that everything will get better.

Hi there,

No advice really but I can relate. I had an ectopic in November 2022 and it’s hard to believe a year and bit has passed since. I still have anxiety around changes in my periods, I have nightmares about it occasionally, I used to take a lot pregnancy tests for reassurance. It’s getting less overwhelming with time and processing.

I would speak to a trusted person about your feelings. If you can be referred for further counselling I would take it if you think it would help.

Just wanted someone else to know we aren’t alone in this.