Today I was given a shot to terminate my pregnancy.
I did IVF retrieval in July 2019. I had a pretty good result. Ended up with 27 embryos which fertilized. I did PGS testing on 8 and 5 came back Normal. We were so excited! I did my first FET transfer in November of 2019. I waited patiently. 14dpo5dt I did a blood draw which came back NEGATIVE. HCG was zero. Implantation failure is how my doctor described it. My doctor was super supportive and recommended I do an ERA to check my receptivity and a neurogenic shot the day of next transfer. I followed her orders and did the ERA (everything for IVF and ERA was out of pocket cost). The ERA test came back as pre-receptive. “This is our problem!” My doctor said excitedly. “We will correct your next protocol and add an additional protestor day before your next transfer.”
I was so hopeful! I did everything by the book. No caffeine, good diet, acupuncture treatments before transfer, extra progesterone, Neuprogen shot, etc.etc.
My next transfer was scheduled for 3/2/2020. Lining was excellent, shot was given, Transfer complete. This time I started testing at home. 4dp5dt I got a positive on my internet hpt strips. Finally! Bfp! And an early one at that. Of course this one was going to stick!! I tested every single day, hungry to see the beautiful progression I saw others get with their pregnancies. But early on I noticed the line wasn’t progressing as well. They stayed faint for 5-6 days before getting a bit darker. I relaxed. Internet cheapies aren’t known for their line progressions my friends said. Don’t worry! They said.
At 14dp5dt I went in for my long awaited blood draw, I was hoping to be somewhere in the hundreds. Heck I would even be happy with 100hcg. My doctor called 2 hours after and personally congratulated me.” You are so pregnant, my dear!” With a shaky voice, tears in my eyes I asked was she sure? What is my hcg. She said it was 56. “56?” I asked confused. “ isn’t that low?” I am on fertility board with a bunch of people so I knew the number sounded low, but she was excited and she Is a doctor! She said no it’s fine. As long as it’s above 50 we know that implantation occurred. I relaxed a bit. Went in for second draw 48 hours later and my hcg tripled! 176! Still low i thought, but heck it’s the doubling that matters. All the internet sites say that’s what matters.
I was booked for ultrasound and another blood draw a week later. I relaxed and had an amazing week. Planning my pregnancy and my baby’s life. Yesterday I went in for my first ultrasound. My doctor was out sick so the nurse did the ultrasound. She was quiet. Instantly I knew something was off. I asked her what was wrong. And she said the doctor needed to scan me. Told me not to worry. I went home. Checked my lab work and my hcg was now 1883. I continued to double. I had absolutely to pregnancy symptoms but my hcg was going up so hey, win for me, I thought.
The same day my doctor phoned me from home and that when I knew something was terribly wrong. She looked at the scan results and was suspecting ectopic. Asked that I come in first thing in the morning so she can scan me personally. I was an emotional wreck, but I held on hope. I googled ectopic and every single site mentioned, cramping, spotting, hcg levels jumping.i was having none of those symptoms. I hoped the scans were wrong. I figured she would do another scan and everything will be good.
I waited on that exam table, holding on to hope that she will see that all was good. Well, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. She turned that wand and right there in my right Fallopian tube, was my perfectly measuring sac. Ectopic. Less than 2% chance she said. With FET protocol, no predisposition to ectopic whatsoever and here I am having to sign a waiver to end the pregnancy with a shot. My beautiful embryo met its end today.
I go in again in three days days for my second shot. I am now at 10-15% ectopic reoccurring. I guess I should be grateful that my tube didn’t rupture. I should be grateful that I have plenty more embryos to transfer. I should be grateful that we can scrape up more money via loans for a third transfer, but even with all those positives, I can’t force the gratefulness out of me.
Today was a hard day.