It's over

Other Pregnancy and Baby Loss
1

Hi,

At my 8 week scan today, I found out that we’ve lost our 2nd baby - a year and day after losing our first to EP. This was our 3rd scan; the first @ 5+2 showing that baby was in the right place, the 2nd @ 6+4 showing a heartbeat, and today @ 8+4 showing our baby died not long after the last scan.

After being told that we were very unlikely to conceive naturally (due to blocked tubes), and while on the waiting list for IVF, I couldn’t believe our BFP. I didn’t think mother nature could be so cruel to let us conceive naturally, in the right place, and then take our dream away almost a year to the day after losing our EP baby.

Although I’ve had a little bleeding, it was a haematoma resolving itself & I’ve not yet passed my baby. EPAS have given me some options; wait for a natural miscarriage, surgical ERPC or medical intervention to speed up the miscarriage.

Has anyone had any experience of any of those & what have your experiences been like? I don’t know what to do & nature may take its course before I make a decision anyway. Knowing what to expect would be really useful if anyone else reading this has been unfortunate enough to experience this misery.

Thanks for reading & thanks for all the support I’ve received on this forum. I so badly wanted to stay on the other thread & be posting about my progressing pregnancy.

C x

2

Aw Cupcake I’m so sorry :frowning: My heart sank when I saw your post. I’ve been following you all over on the other thread and I was just so happy for all of you, I feel so sad to be reading this news. My experience was a little different, I had my ectopic in February after having been trying for about 9 months. We were so happy to be pregnant but a little under a week later I was admitted for emergency surgery to remove my wee baby and right tube. It took a long time to recover but we started trying again as soon as we got the all clear. I fell pregnant again in May but had a miscarriage :frowning: I feel so sad for you…it must be terrible especially after having seen a heartbeat…I never had that but I can’t imagine what it must be like loosing a baby after seeing a heartbeat :frowning: It must be a hundred times worse. About the decision you have to make…I’m afraid I can’t help you as everything happened very quickly for me and naturally but I’m sure others will be along to share their experiences. Take care, rest up and remember we’re here for you. I’m happy to chat anytime and if there’s anything I can help with, xx

3

I am so very sorry for your loss :cry: there is no rhyme or reason to any of this and no simple answers which makes it all the harder but my thoughts are with you and your partner.

I have had a number of miscarriages and been treated in two of the three ways you suggest. I have waited for a natural miscarriage on several occasions and also had a number of surgical procedures called ERPCs or D&Cs. None of it is nice and it’s really about what is the right thing for you and your partner. initially I found the waiting knowing my baby wasn’t going to grow any more and still feeling pregnant quite hard and so opted for the surgical procedure - which involves a general anaesthetic but is over quickly. I have also opted to wait it out with other losses because that was what felt right for me at the time. One time I opted for a natural resolution and after almost a month (it can take several weeks) I changed my mind and got back in touch with the hospital and they got me in on their day list.

The losses weren’t dreadfully painful but not pleasant either but the bleeding was quite heavy at times with both methods - requiring bed changes if you know what I mean.

Only once did I have any complication after the surgical intervention when I ended up with Endometritis which was inflammation of the lining of the uterus which caused it to continue to bleed and had to take a medicine to stop that but complications are, thankfully rare.

I had only ever heard unpleasant reports of the medical intervention, which is the prescribing of a tablet to bring on uterine spasm to expel the contents - for me that just wasn’t the right thing and so didn’t every accept that option.

Looking back, I found the surgical option best for me in most cases, except for my last pregnancy when I didn’t tell anyone but my husband I was pregnant and when i miscarried I did so at home. Listening to my body and being prepared to go to hospital if I needed to but thankfully I was fine.

There is no good way to loose a baby :cry: its about the best way for you and if you think about that and chat it through with your partner, I know you’ll come up with what’s best for you.

Gentle hugs sweetheart

Izzie

4

Hi cupcake,

I’m really sorry about your losses and I hope you are looking after yourself. I had my ep in aug resulting in emergancy surgary and had my left tube removed and in march had a mmc, I opted for the tablet as i didnt want surgary again or want to wait either, i must say it wasnt the most plesant expirence and felt i wasnt told what the procedure entailed i was told you take 2 tablets and see, you talk the first orally and then go back in hospital for the day and have a second tablet placed inside and then have to wait, though this time i had serveral interanals which again not pleasent. At the time i felt it was the best decision for us as the time but dont think i would chose this option again if im honest.

I hope you make the right decision for you and hope you are being looked after

Sarah x

5

Sarah, Izzie & Shellise,

Thank you so much for your advice & kind wishes. I’m so sorry that you are all in the position of being able to give me advice - especially in the case of multiple losses.

Nothing has happened yet & only just beginning to make a decision. The pregnancy symptoms are still there but lessening gradually. It’s been a little too easy to just ignore it all - I fully expect a crash of hormones when the baby is physically gone, but so far I’ve managed to carry on with just a few emotional episodes.

Ironically the spotting I had over last week or 2 from haematoma has totally stopped. I spent the weekend doing all the things I stopped doing the instant I got my BFP - drinking caffeinated tea, eating blue cheese, rare steak, parma ham, drinking red wine, going for vigorous walks with the dog & DTD! All with the blessing of EPAS - none of it has started anything! But it has made me feel a little better.

After the EP I struggled emotionally to rationalise how I was so upset as I had only known I was pregnant for a few hours & was in A & E straight away - counselling helped me to come to terms with saying I had lost a baby. This time I had over 4 weeks of being pregnant & felt as if I had bonded with baby - I was able to plan all the milestones & after seeing a heartbeat was pretty sure that this one would be ok…I’m not sure if the difference this time will make a difference to my emotional recovery. I’m glad there are no real restrictions on being able to “get back to normal” as there were with MTX - I couldn’t have a glass of wine for weeks & all the trips to hospital for bloods were pretty draining - not to mention the 3 month wait before TTC again.

We have our first IVF appointment next week - too soon for my liking but feel as if we should go - am pretty sure it’s just an eligibility check & I wonder whether we’ll be removed from the list due to having conceived in the right place? An HSG this year showed my left tube to be totally blocked & the right (EP side) to be slow to fill & the consultant was pretty sure it would be unlikely for things to happen by themselves. I’ve heard of the HSG actually ‘clearing things out’ - but wondered if that would have been the case 5 months between the procedure & conception?

Anyway, this has all turned into a bit of a ramble on a tangent from what I was going to say. I have decided against medical management - I think that was never really an option for me. I wanted to wait for a natural miscarriage but am struggling with the lack of progress - have been having some niggly very mild pain & if I’m honest am a little worried about being taken by surprise with bleeding if I’m out & about. I think I’m going to enquire about the possibility of an erpc on Thursday - my OH has been able to spend this week with me & if it hasn’t happened by then, at least if gives me Friday & the weekend to recover physically with him around before he goes back to work next week.

Thanks to the perspective of a very insightful friend last year, I still feel incredibly blessed to have had the privilege of having been pregnant twice - I have a little more love in my life than I had previously - for my OH, for our 2 lost babies & for the wonderful friends & family who have supported us through this. It still feels incredibly unfair & I am terrified about what the future holds but we’ll get through it.

I’ll update whatever happens next in case it’s useful for someone else. I really wish nobody else had to go through this but the sad reality is I know that’s just not going to happen.

Thanks again for your support & advice - I am eternally grateful…

C Xx

6

Hi there

It’s good to hear you and know you are hanging in there. It’s very strange how a miscarriage can be such a different kind of loss to that of an ectopic pregnancy - the problem with ectopic is, it’s not just about losing a baby, it’s about all the other stuff as well, the physical violation of surgery, the worry with potent medical treatment or being watched as we wait feeling like the world could come crashing down at any moment. That added to the fact we face our own mortality and seriously question our fertility really does make an ectopic pregnancy very different to a miscarriage so don’t worry too much about feeling differently about the processes. Grief will come, of course it will but so will your survival and recovery over time too… so keep hanging in there, taking it a day at a time and know we are here

Gentle hugs

Izzie

7

Hi there,

I just wanted to post my experiences as they may or may not help you. I’ve posted on here a few times. I had an ectopic this time last year, had methotrexate and then emergency surgery due to rupture. I then had a miscarriage in June, which resolved itself naturally, followed by another miscarriage last month for which I had an ERPC. We too saw the heartbeat for that pregnancy, though it was twins and we only saw one… Long story, but both babies failed to develop any further. And after all that I have to say that the ERPC wasn’t that bad. Nowhere near as bad as the ectopic surgery, much faster recovery and back to normal in about four days - thankfully as I have a two year old running around! And actually easier than the natural miscarriage, which I found quite shocking.

So, as I said, I hope that may reassure you about surgery. And that things resolve themselves for you as pain free and easily as possible.

We are now TTC again, though goodness knows what my cycle is doing now! I think I had a very short period two weeks ago, which lasted about three days, though today I have really bad low down cramping so who knows what’s going on! This baby making business isn’t easy is it!

X

8

Hi Cupcake!!

My heart goes out to you!!! This is so cruel. I wish I could give you a huge hug!!!

xox

9

Hi,

Thank you for all the well wishes. Thought I would pop on for a quick update. I had the erpc on Thursday - I think it probably was the right decision given that nothing was happening by itself, but it’s not been without its problems too. The wait for a slot in theatre & being taken from the ward to theatre were both awful - I cried the whole time.

I was back on the ward within an hour of leaving, but I really struggled with pain afterwards - I was given Fentanyl before & after the procedure, paracetamol & eventually diclofenac before I was comfortable enough to get out of bed. I was allowed home 3 hours later. Although the midwives were really lovely & made a horrendous day a little more bearable, I wasn’t given any follow up advice about how much bleeding to expect, that I should take it easy for a few days & that I couldn’t have a bath etc…

Since the procedure, I’ve been in quite a lot of pain - hot water bottles have been my best friend but I could really have done with stronger medication. I have been signed off work for 2 weeks as of this morning & been prescribed stronger painkillers. EPAS asked me to come in this morning as I have been (tmi alert) passing some big clots - I wasn’t told to expect this & as they are quite big 50p sized, they want to monitor me - I hope it’s not a sign of retained products… Apparently it’s not unusual, but they would also expect most of this to have been removed during the procedure.

I’m taking it easier & keeping dosed up with painkillers. The emotion is beginning to kick in - it was easy to be in denial while I was waiting - after all, still had all the pregnancy symptoms, but it’s all feeling a bit more real now. It’s horrible to be off work at the same time as when I had the EP last year & to be feeling like this at Halloween again - I normally love this time of year…

We’ve been really lucky to be referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic even though our first loss was with EP. The lab picked up unusual antibodies in my blood & requested more samples to go to the main hospital to be analysed - no idea what this means - the midwife said that the lab would contact me direct, but the GP said this morning that the results will go to them but may take weeks if it’s to do with antibodies. Hopefully though this will give us some answers - I know it’s unusual to get any explanation - especially after 1 loss so I’m grateful that something has been picked up, though not surprised that there might be antibodies - I have an auto immune condition & wonder if this is what has happened?

Anyway, thank you for your kind messages & personal experiences that helped us make the decision. Am just going to take things easy, let myself be looked after for a few days & let the grief come. IVF appointment on Wednesday - I wonder if they will remove us from the list - will post if any news from that…

C Xx

10

Hi Sweetheart

It sounds like you have a touch of endometritis, nothing some pain killers and antibiotics to be on the safe side can’t fix. I am so sorry you have had pain and complications but I am glad they are keeping an eye on you.

Sending you lots of strength and get well soon vibes

11

Thanks Izzie - they didn’t mention this at all - I see that this was one of the problems that you had. How is it diagnosed & treated? They haven’t mentioned antibiotics or any follow up - do I just keep my fingers crossed & hope for the best? Is it related to Asherman’s syndrome? I’ve seen this mentioned on lots of other discussion forums & believe it’s incredibly common, but it hasn’t been mentioned to me either. What a difference the new painkillers have made though - am so much more comfortable than before.

As always, thank you for checking in on me & your advice - not sure that you realise how helpful your advice & kind words are…

C Xx

12

Hi there

Thanks for your kind words :smiley: I really appreciate them

Asherman’s Syndrome is thought to be under-diagnosed as it’s not easily detectable but in your case it’s unlikely as Asherman’s tends to present after the fact where the women then develops scanty or absent periods (amenorrohea) . Some patients have no periods but feel pain at the time each month that their period would normally arrive. This pain may indicate that menstruation is occurring but the blood cannot exit the uterus because the cervix is blocked by adhesion’s. So it’s unlikely to be that.

Endometritis may or may not be the cause of the bleeding but you’d normally have a temperature with it if that’s what it is - it’s the body’s reaction to the lining of the uterus being irritated.

If I was in your situation, I’d be asking exactly what they were observing you for and what their initial or provisional diagnosis is once you know that you can ask them what the treatment plan is? If they give you some names then you will know what you are dealing with and those are reasonable questions about your body and why it’s behaving in the way it is and what they are doing about it. I am sure once they talk with you and communicate a bit more it’ll all seem a lot more manageable and less scary and you’ll know what you are dealing with rather than having to guess, which is always frustrating isn’t it?

Gentle hugs and remember, you need to be taking it easy - your body has been through the wringer and you need to be gentle on yourself