I was twenty-three years old, married, and preparing for law school, but I was also pregnant. I had missed my cycle by two days and decided to take a test. Prior to taking the test, I told my husband I was feeling different but I couldn’t explain it. (This concept of a woman knowing her body will become prevalent later) And without a doubt, I was pregnant. Taking into respect that I was anticipating attending law school this fall, I stayed up stressing about how I would juggle a new born and being a first year law student. Eventually, I accepted the fact that I was going to be a mom and everything would fall into place. I set an appointment with my OBGYN and it was set for December 14 (so far away from Nov 20). However, I began feeling strange during what should had been my 4weeks of pregnancy. I had pelvis pains, tender breasts, and my stomach was sensitive to touch. So, I went to google and these symptoms are ’normal’ for early stage pregnancy. I believed google. But a week later, Nov. 29, I woke up to horrific cramps and when I went to the bathroom there was red blood when I wiped. I thought this couldn’t be normal, so I first called a hotline nurse to ensure I wasn’t overreacting. She asked me questions regarding my symptoms and based on my answers she advised me to call my OBGYN. She also mentioned how her mother bled when she was pregnant with her. But this was different, the cramps I felt were much more severe than any menstrual cramps I’ve ever experienced. When I called my OBGYN she suggested that I go to the ER. So I did, I called my husband and he met me there, and at this point I was thinking I was having a miscarriage. The nurse tested my urine and from her mouth my results were "very pregnant”. But the ultrasound showed nothing, I should have been about five weeks. So we all made since of the fact it was probably just too early; however, when the vaginal ultrasound was removed there was lots of dark brown blood. She assured me it was only old blood, but a woman just knows her body! I made another appointment because I wasn’t satisfied with not knowing what was going on with my body and baby. During this time, I took the Law School Admission Test and had an uncomfortable tension on my right side. The next week, Dec. 7, I went to planned parenthood for an ultrasound. And here was the first time I heard "ectopic pregnancy” but it wasn’t a certain diagnosis. They advised me to meet with my OBGYN immediately. And I tried but the receptionist refused since I had an appointment the upcoming Thursday and there were no available openings. The morning of Dec. 14, before the sun rose, I woke up feeling as if I was dying. Those horrific cramps had resurfaced with a higher intensity, standing was difficult. I thought I would faint from the constant vomiting and heat filling my body. I let time pass so whatever spell would calm and hopes my later doctor appointment would solve this problem. As I was getting ready, I found it hard to bend from right pelvic and external stomach pains. When I arrived to the doctor’s office, my OBGYN began touching my stomach and I cringed each time. And at that moment I knew. I wanted to cry but I didn’t because my husband didn’t know yet. We went over for the ultrasound and the medical assistant was mentioning how upset she was that the receptionist did not allow me to come in sooner. In hopes to change the subject, I asked if she could see my baby and after her response, I knew. I wanted to cry again and I did silently. Once the doctor had left from informing us of the ultrasound results, my husband and I cried together. We finally knew, it had finally be said out loud with certainty. And it hurt knowing. Knowing I had to have surgery to save my life but not my baby’s. Knowing my left Fallopian tube could be damaged (it was, it ruptured). Knowing that I would be dependent on solely my right Fallopian tube to conceive in the future. But why? I recognized all the signs but still no one could save us in time. I no longer know who I am. I missing my baby.
Dear eliz_trll,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.
Generally, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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