I was 4 days late when I started my period. It started out as spotting which confused me as I thought I had pregnancy symptoms but thought bleeding was my period. My bleeding never stopped so after 14 days I went to see my GP. After a pregnancy test, internal examination, and swabs she diagnosed me with a miscarriage. I had been hoping for months that I would be pregnant so this was a good thing, only minutes later she told me I was losing it. The only treatment I got was to wait and see if the blood stops within two weeks and to take another pregnancy test three weeks later to ensure my hcg levels dropped to normal. 36 hours later, I ended up in a+e with chest pains which didn’t fit in with the usual shoulder pain so confused the doctors too… I had really high white cell count but they couldn’t find the problem. After an intervaginal scan they finally diagnosed me with an eptopic pregnancy and bleeding in the stomach. Within the hour I was in surgery, which was all a bit rushed. I couldn’t think of any questions or know what to say, I was just numb. Since being discharged, I haven’t spent a lot of time resting. I’ve distracted myself and gone out with my partner a lot, who seems to think that I should be over it by now. It is putting strain on us as its all I can think about… I wish I could have changed the outcome and I have thousands of questions on why this happened but no one can give me a definitive answer… I think that’s the hardest part is not knowing when this is gonna stop and I can carry on as normal. No one else seems to understand? I was 6 weeks and 5 days when they removed my tube, and my surgery was only ten days ago… I go back to work in a few days but I don’t know how I’m gonna be able to concentrate and distract myself long enough to complete my job… How do I continue?
Hi brokenheart,
I am so sorry for your loss. I had an ectopic pregnancy and my right tube removed on the 5th Feb. It all happened too quickly for me too. We were ttc and had my normal period and few days later after my period I started having sharp pain on the right side, I thought it was an ovary or appendix, but found out I was pregnant by bloods HCG levels and ultrasound confirmed it to be 5.5 weeks pregnancy on my right tube. Within 12 hours I had my surgery. I asked why this happened, but unfortunately I was told " one of those things" which was hard to accept, as after the surgery I kept on thinking maybe it was this, maybe it was that. I also wake up and just cry. I would say to you, cry if when u need to, it’s good. I felt much better after doing so. I would also take ur time, don’t over do it. U have been through surgery, ur body need time to heal. Don’t push yourself, I did and I was back in hospital. Just rest. I have asked my GP to refer me to Councelling as I feel like I need to, I need to deal it with the heathy way otherwise I won’t be able to move on and be positive. Maybe you should think about going through Councelling too? Unfortunately there’s no answer as to why this happened to you. Which is hard to accept. It takes time, it’s isn’t something you just get over it. Take your time. Take care of yourself. It makes a huge diffeeence having a supportive network around you. I think for men, some times they find it hard to deal with emotions and things like this, my husband was very supportive but he didn’t know much about things so I found it useful going online and just giving him things to read, like the physical and emotion aspect of this whole thing, maybe that will help your partner understand? Try that.
Time heal, give yourself time. Take care of yourself xxx
Thank you for your reply and I am sorry for your loss too… I got rushed in so quick as I had bleeding into my abdomen which made the pain a hundred times worse. I went into autopilot mode. I couldn’t think of anything to ask the doctors except agree and sign the paperwork so I feel like I don’t know anything. I have read everything there is online and it helps, especially when reading others posts and how they feel. I feel like I’m being stupid for grieving this long (11days) when it was so early so I didn’t get time to be excited before… I had my suspicions but never got them confirmed so its like it was never there. I seen the scan pictures, but it seems so unreal, luke it happened to someone else. I’m not sure if I feel ready to go back to work, although I cant take any more time off, it would cause more money problems and I already had annual leave before my surgery. It’s like I need to put on a brave face, even my partner doesn’t understand. He thinks I should be over it, and he wont read up on anything like I have. I have so many questions which no amount of research can help with. It’s constantly on my mind, I cant think of anything else! My partner doesn’t want to use any contraception either which just makes me paranoid that it is going to happen again… What happens if I lose my other tube? The surgery turns out to be the easiest part… It’s the emotional rollercoaster after that I can’t seem to get off x
Hi brokenheart,
There is no set time, grieving is different between individuals. It’s a massive ordeal, the loss of a pregnancy and loss of your tube, the physical and mental aspect of it. It all happened too soon for me too, “You are pregnant, ectopic, surgery, sign here and here and will take u up to theatres.” I do remember the ultrasound and I remember crying the way I have never! Seeing and being told here it is, am sorry it’s the wrong place" I have wanted to be a mother since I can remember, and I felt like I wasn’t even allowed to live in that hope for even 5 minutes, I couldn’t be happy, wasn’t allowed to. I am so sorry that you have to go back to work, I was given a note from the hospital I wasn’t allowed to work for 2 weeks but unfortunately till now going onto 3 weeks and still not physically ready to go back. I wish you are able to take some more time off as it would be good for u. It helps processing it. It’s so hard putting a front when deep inside you heart is just breaking. I am so sorry about your partner, but you need to put yourself, your physical health and mental health first. Don’t allow him to make u feel like you should be over this. He needs to take care of you. You take your time. Think about you only. I don’t know about you, but I was advised to take a pregnant test after three weeks of the operation and to have two periods before trying to conceive. Now this excludes the bleeding I had after the surgery. Were u advised the same? We haven’t even thought about having sex yet, am not sure if we would be using a condom ( very weird as a married couple and never have done this as I was in a pill) or just follow the “natural” methods! It all gets too much some times! When I was told about the removal about the tube, I just couldn’t I thought this is it, am I ever going to be a mother? What fertility issues will I have? I felt less of a woman, and even know sometimes when I see a woman, I think they have two tubes. I drive myself crazy. I am just trying to be positive and let my body heal and be patient. I think we can ask around and read online but I don’t think there’s an actual reason why ectopic pregnancy happen, they just do sometimes, unfortunately, and I know that’s the hardest part to accept! Take a good care of yourself, xxx
So sorry for what you’ve gone through, something very similar happened to me so I know how that shock feels!
Give yourself more time than you think you need for recovery. And I just mean physically! Like when you think you feel fine - add an extra two weeks on! Just sit and be bored if you have to, but rest! I kept pushing myself to do more when I thought I was ok and I definitely went back to work too early.
I was five weeks post-op on Tuesday, had a laparoscopy and left Fallopian tube removed unfortunately. But today I was drying off after the shower and getting ready for work and one of my scars just split right open! I had to go back to casualty and get it treated. I was trying to do too much in work and thinking that having the odd pains was ok. Just don’t take too much on.
I can’t really say much on the emotional recovery of all this, I’m still working that out for myself. But that’s why we’re all here, right? Putting on a brace face and going back to everyone in work was so hard and I find myself in quiet moments feeling tremendously sad. Then make myself snap out of it. Just don’t push yourself to go back to early. X