Hello all
I am Jolene and DH is Mike. We have one son, Blake, who is 6 years old (as of Dec. 2005).
In February 2005 I lost my dad, who I was very close to. He had been in poor health, but it is never easy to lose a loved one.
In April 2005 I was having a weird period – lots of prune colored spotting. I went to the doc. She said I could be pg, or it could just be stress, or it could just be a weird period. Did a pg test and went on my merry way.
The following day, Friday April 29, 2005 the doc’s office called me at work (I was in the middle of doing parent teacher conferences for my preschoolers) and told me that my pg test had come back positive, but they thought I was having a miscarriage and wanted me to go to the hospital that afternoon to have an ultrasound done.
I called DH and we were so excited because we had been sort of trying for 3 years. We had said if it happens it happens, if not, no big deal.
Well… my mom and sis were visiting then too so they came and took me to lunch and then DH and I headed off to the hospital. Everyone was excited that I was pg.
We had the us done, then sat in a hallway for what seemed an ETERNITY. The nurse came out and got me and said, “Your doctor is on the phone.”
My doctor told me over the phone that there was a “mass” on my ovary and she wanted me to go to ER right away and have the on call OB GYN examine me.
We went to ER — waited FOREVER for the OB GYN to come. She did her exam and told us that the pregnancy was ectopic. She said she recommended surgery ASAP, but that I could go home and wait it out. She cautioned us that if I went home my tube would most likely rupture and I’d bleed to death before we got back to the hospital. Nice. She said, “Either way, there isn’t going to be a baby.”
I asked to call my doctor again – and I cried and cried and cried. My doc said to go with the surgery. The hospital chaplan came in and she was very sweet — although I cried most of the time she was in the room.
Poor DH was running out to the parking lot to make phone calls with his cell phone and then back in to see me.
I had the surgery that night – she tried to do the keyhole (sorry I can’t ever keep them straight!) but my tube ruptured on the table so she had to do the full cut. She removed my baby and part of my left tube.
During surgery I saw my father — he came and took the baby from me. The baby was wrapped in a white blanket. My dad took the babe, and then sort of faded away.
After sugery they couldn’t get me to wake up – I have sleep apnea. I remember opening my eyes and not being able to breathe and there were TONS of people around me and I kept thinking, “Where is Mike? Where in the hell is Mike?” Then somone put a hand on my forehead and said, “You’re OK, just take a deep breath.” And I thought, “No Im NOT OK – I can’t f**king breathe!!!”
My sister is an RN so when she came back to recovery she saw the crash cart sitting there and she flipped out. Luckily DH had no clue what that was all about.
About a month after my surgery, I had a dream that DH’s grandma (who had died 5 years earlier) was holding a beautiful little girl and she looked right at me and said, “Oh, Jo, Lily is the most delightful little girl.” It was then that we decided that our baby was a girl and her name is Lily.
DH and I had matching tattoos done in memory of Lily. We had them done before the dream, so we were unsure of if the baby was a boy or a girl. So my tattoo is a heart with one pink foot and one blue foot inside. The feet are the actual size of our baby’s feet (12 weeks). The date is along the outer edge of the heart. DH has the same heart, but his has angel wings on it. They are beautiful.
Sorry my story is so long – I tend to go on and on.
I am SO thankful to this board --not sure I could have made it without it!
** HUGS ** to all!!
Love
Jolene