Hey there lonely girl

Hey,

Thanks for giving me some of your time, I do appreciate it.

Okay so let’s begin November 2016 I had an ectopic pregnancy and had baby and Fallopian tube removed, move forward to August I find out some unkind person has put pornographic pictures of me online from years ago (great) then a couple of months found out my partner was cheating on me throughout everything. We split obviously.

I was okay about everything and handling it well because I have amazing family and friends so I could deal but I’ve recently found out my ex partner has a new girlfriend and the girl he cheated on me with is pregnant. I’m not much of a victim but I can’t help but think why me. Why am I alone. Why don’t I have a baby and she does? Is this my rain to get sunshine?

I’m just really lonely at the moment, I’m going to the gym to have hobbies and not be In bed sleeping all day but everything feels like so much energy at the moment.

Thank you for listening

Xx

Dear Emily+mcclovin,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and everything you have been through recently, from your own words, I can imagine how difficult it has been.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from others, and in your situation, I understand how difficult this must be. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people, pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

If you find the low days start to outweigh the good, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

You have been through so much in such a short space of time, please be kind to yourself and allow time to heal emotionally,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x


If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.


You’ve been through an awful time!

I can understand the “ why me not them” feeling. My two sister in laws recently gave birth. One month after my ectopic.

I was so angry at them. Why did it work out for them. Why was I the statistic? The 1 in 5. What had I done wrong etc.

Firstly, it’s not you. Your ex who cheated- he’s an A-hole. The ectopic - It was just something really crap that happened. You did nothing wrong. And it’s not that you don’t deserve it. It’s just something crap that you couldn’t control.

You will meet someone, and you’ll fall in love again. And one day, you will have your little baby.

Lots of love

Karen