Struggling

I feel so stupid.

It was August when it happened to me, but I still feel empty, I feel the loss.

I’m not with the person I was having the baby with anymore, he told me the day it happened that I killed my baby

I’m struggling to function, no one knows, my work, my family, my other half because I feel like that it’s so long ago, why should anyone care? :frowning:

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. This is not your fault, and it’s not something that you need to hide from anyone. One of the greatest healers is to share your problems with others. You made the first step here, and I hear you. Let your family know, a close friend or your GP. Talking therapy has been so helpful for me too. You’ve been through a lot, get all the support you deserve x

Dear Kelsey,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

Thank you so much for having the courage to talk about how you feel and contacting the Trust. I too suffered in silence following my ectopic pregnancy. It took me two years to be honest and face my feelings and like you, I reached out to the Trust. I found comfort in reading other people’s posts. People understood how I felt and I didn’t feel so alone. I was also advised that although my feelings, like yours were completely normal, hanging onto those feelings does not help us recover. I went for counselling as advised, and in time learnt that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Your ex partner was completely in the wrong saying what they did to you. I can categorically say that you did not kill your baby, it was not your fault so please be gentle with yourself.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need, but I would also suggest speaking to close family or friends of you feel able.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards


During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team