Heartache & Pain Never Leaves

Main Board
1

I find myself obsessively looking through these forums for stories of hope or a story I can relate to.

I had an ectopic pregnancy in May, expectant management, no pain. No history of irregular periods. I guess I’m lucky I had no surgery and was in no discomfort. 5 months on, I just want to know when I’ll get another positive pregnancy test. I track ovulation like an idiot, it’s like a full time job. The excitement of trying for a baby isn’t there. I feel robbed of an innocent experience. Having to use ovulation kits, checking calendars. I am starting to worry it will never happen for me.

My periods are now all over the place - Bleeding for 2 days only so then get excited that it’s ‘implantation bleeding’ but it’s not. I’ve always had light periods but they usually last 4 days. Now I have 2 day bleeds. Can anyone else relate to this?

2

Hello, I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. It’s so tough. I’m afraid I cannot offer any stories of hope just yet. I too went through expectant management in March this year, although I have had some odd abdominal pains since that persist. My periods took ages to get back to normal, and I’d bleed randomly in the middle of the month.

All I can say is that I can relate to how you feel emotionally - I too have problems sleeping, waking up worrying that I won’t ever have children, being very jealous of my best friend who is due in the same week of October that i would have been. It has affected every single aspect of my life, from friendships, family relationships, my marriage, to my job (because I have had to tell my boss and I really cannot concentrate on anything right now). I hope we can feel better soon and that things will work out for us xxx

3

Thank you for your response! It’s great to hear someone who’s had a similar scenerio (although not great! I’m sure you know what I mean). There’s comfort knowing that I’m not alone x

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I can’t cope when people say ‘it will happen’ as if they can relate. I’m currently in the mindset that it quite possibly never happen. Dreams shattered. Is time a healer? I don’t think so. The struggle becomes even more real each month. I find myself sleeping through the day to not ‘feel’ how I’m feeling.

Meanwhile, I watch on TV an overweight woman with a 28 stone boyfriend have a child & a woman who has rotten teeth have FOUR children. How is that fair?! I’m a healthy person and I cannot have the one thing I’ve always wanted. It’s a cruel world for sure.

4

Yes I can completely relate to everything you’re going through! Life is completely unfair and it’s so frustrating. I’m never relaxed, always anxious and on edge. I hate to say it but I’ve really forgotten how to enjoy life. It’s so hard.

I had an appointment with my GP and he just got a bit frustrated with me and said I had been unlucky.

As you say, it’s good to know we’re not alone. Send me a PM if you want to exchange numbers so we can support each other (and have a rant about everything!) xxx

5

Literally, I am facing this similar issue, all the time headache, in fact I get tired of all this pain.

6

I had my first ectopic in 2015 and was treated with methotrexate. I went on to have a healthy baby the following year with no complications at all. If you’re periods are irregular I’d speak to your GP. I completely understand what you mean about it taking the excitement out of trying for a baby. I would get anxious as soon as I knew I’d ovulated. Wishing you all the best.

7

Dear SJ2020,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

I very much understand that strong desire to conceive. I appreciate how frustrating it can be if it isn’t happening as quickly as we would like. Conceiving successfully can take time and can take some couples more than a year or so. We have positive posts from many women who have successfully conceived following ectopic pregnancy, especially on our other boards.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

In addition. having regular sex means having sex every 2/3 days throughout the month. Guidance from the UK’s National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence advises that having sex around the time when the woman ovulates causes stress and is not recommended. We here at the EPT suggest having intercourse 2/3 times between days 10-20 of their cycle when trying to conceive. We also have information on our website on trying to conceive here:

https://ectopic.org.uk/patients/trying-to-conceive/

Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team