Going back to work?

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Hi - so thankful to find these forums.

I had surgery to remove my one working tube 2 weeks ago. Second pregnancy and second ectopic after years of ‘unexplained infertility’. Managed with methotrexate last time but had horrible side effects and they actually found my tube had started to rupture this time. Devastating that I’m now technically infertile.

I had a sick note that was written before they decided surgery was urgently needed and it covers me until this Sunday, so technically needed to be back in work 2.5 weeks post op. I forgot to ask them to update it in my post-anaesthesia fog.

I don’t feel ready to go back, physically or emotionally. I’m still suffering with fatigue - 15 minute gentle walks feel like I’ve been walking for hours. I still feel bruised, although the incisions are healing well after an initial infection. HCG has now returned to negative, but still feel like my hormones are out of whack.

I am a secondary school teacher in a very challenging school and it’s full-on. I do in excess of 9-10k steps on an average day, so whilst it’s not on the same level as a builder, landscaper or lumberjack, it is an active job and you can’t take breaks when needed.

I’m waiting for a call back from my GP, but my question is, how long should I be signed off if anyone has any wisdom and experience to offer? I know the GP may ask how long I need. I’m always one to push myself too hard and I know I need to put myself first, but also don’t want to take the mick with work. They’re already calling asking when I’m coming back and saying it’s ok to come back, they’ll support me (which is well intentioned, but realistically physical support never materialises).

Last time it happened it was treated I’ve here summer holidays so didn’t have this worry.

I’m holding onto the hope we can start IVF in the next 2-3 months and have our consultation soon, but I know I have to be fully healed or they’ll, rightly, make us wait.

Just some experience or advice appreciated. Thank you.

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Hi, I’m sorry to read you’ve been through this awful experience too. I am also due back to work next week following surgery last week for a left ectopic pregnancy. It was a planned pregnancy, im 42 and this was our last try!

( we have 2 children) i was worried at 42 we may not be lucky enough to fall pregnant now i know it was possible i feel totally cheated. I also don’t feel ready, physically I feel OK. Psychologically I don’t. I can’t explain it in any other way other than I can’t be bothered talking to people! I’ve spoken to my friends and family openly about things but I just don’t have any tolerance for chit chat with people if that makes sense? I work as a cancer specialist nurse and I don’t feel I’m in the right head space to be supporting other people/ breaking bad news etc at the moment. I plan to stay off at least another week maybe 2. I’ve been the person over the years to say to colleagues you don’t get any thanks for rushing back and now I plan to take my own advice. Its hard not to feel that obligation to go back but the mind takes longer than the body to heal, take some time for yourself to recover properly x

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Thank you for replying.

That totally does make sense. I’ve got a couple of friends at work who are checking in on me, been amazingly supportive, and I’ve been really open with them, but I think dealing with difficult teenagers, other colleagues that I’m not close to, plus HR who are rarely in the business of actually supporting the humans they’re resourcing, that’s going to be too much.

I totally get it when you have a job that is so people facing and you have to give your all to it and be emotionally stable to perform well. It’s tough.

I’m so sorry you feel this was your last chance. I can understand that whole needing to come to terms with something so crushing after having that glimmer of hope!

I just hope my GP will be supportive of me needing further time off. You are absolutely right, you don’t get thanked for rushing back.

So glad I’ve found these forums!

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Dear yellow-daffodil,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancies and losses. To experience one loss is difficult, dealing with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Returning to work is different for everyone depending upon the role, physical nature and hours of work. Please also don’t forget that some people need further time off to deal with the emotional impact of an ectopic pregnancy and baby loss. Please speak to your GP about additional time off and if you don 't feel ready to return after the note has ended, you can ask for longer.

We have more information on our website about the workplace and returning to work which you may find helpful.

https://ectopic.org.uk/the-workplace

For now, be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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Hi ,

Secondary school teacher here! I had my ectopic back in September with my first pregnancy…a horrible experience all round and I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through this.

I had only been in school for 2 days when I fell ill and my rupture and emergency surgery happened 2 weeks after my ectopic was diagnosed.

I can totally relate in feeling the need to return to work but I just wanted to offer some advice from experience…you may have already decided to return but my experience was as follows.

I was signed off for 4 weeks initially following my emergency surgery but in the end I stayed off for the entire first term so about 11weeks in total…and looking back it still wasn’t enough.

Physically I felt better but mentally I was not. Working in a school is incredibly demanding and you have to conjure up energy to put on your best show every lesson…that’s aside from the physical side of getting those steps in as you have mentioned…but please don’t feel the need to compare yourself to other job types because it is still very demanding.

My advice would be to ask to be signed off until the end of the school year at least, but speak with school about a phased return in September so you have a firm plan and know exactly what you are returning to. You will have the 6 weeks to recover as well but you could also ask for an extension to cover this time if you felt you needed it.

I visited school a couple of times before starting my phased return as I knew it would be hard to get back in after such a long break but it really is so important to take the time to get your head around everything.

The best advice I had while I was absent was to not “schedule in” when you will feel better…wait until you feel more like yourself and then give yourself another week or so to build up to getting back in to work.

Sending all best wishes!