Feeling lost after heterotopic pregnancy

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Hi everyone,

I’m not quite sure what I want to say but I’ll try. In September this year I was 8 weeks pregnant, my first pregnancy, and was diagnosed with a heterotopic pregnancy, where the ectopic was cornual. I was also diagnosed with a significant septum in my uterus. The baby that was in the correct location was alive, by passed away by the time we were scanned in a specialist hospital two hours away from home.
I was treated with a D&C with laparoscopic guidance and follow up HCGs. I was discharged from the EPU when my HCG was below five, and told not to try and conceive for 6 months.

I am completely lost. I feel guilty asking for support here because I didn’t have to have a salpingectomy or methotrexate, and others have had it so much worse. But I also don’t know where else I fit it.
I’m devastated, and so sad that my body couldn’t carry and grow my little babies safely.

I’ve got a follow up clinic appointment at the end of February, but that feels like a lifetime away when all I want is to start trying again.
I’m just completely and utterly lost and alone.

I’m sorry x

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Hi Sionsmw,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Less than 1% are heterotopic pregnancies, so yes they are rare, but we have heard from ladies on the forums who have sadly experienced them as well. You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal; putting them together is immense, and your feelings are completely normal. Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve to heal both physically and emotionally.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails, too, if you prefer that route. We’ll be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, which can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

You will need space to process what has happened, which can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here, so please continue to lean on us for as long as you need.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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